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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

the oh-no! DVD of the week: ‘Big Tits Zombie’

No, the zombie doesn’t have big tits.

Five strippers in a customer-less club stumble across a secret passageway in the club that leads to The Well of the Dead and The Book of the Dead. They read the incantations from the book out loud and unknowingly, unleash the Undead on the world! Only they (and their kick ass action and chainsaws) can stop the zombie army now!

Well, if there were such a thing to the entrance to Hell, there’s probably a good chance it would be located in a strip club.

Or maybe the zombie does have big tits. I feel this is a question that needs to be answered. Perhaps the press release at Twitch has more information:

BIG TITS ZOMBIE in 3D!!!
Deadly DD‐Cups!!!
A bloody Armageddon has begun!

Rena Jodo (Sola Aoi) is a stripper who just got back from Mexico and she has been offered a gig at a hot spring resort. When she arrives, she finds a deserted country town. There’s hardly anyone in the audience at the strip club and all the other strippers, including Ginko (Risa Kasumi), Maria (Mari Sakurai), Nene (Tamayo) and Dana (Io Aikawa) are all bored stiff. They don’t know what to do with their time and they are on the verge of fighting each other.

When they decide to go down to the basement of the club to kill time, Maria finds a “Book of the Dead” near “the Well of the Spirit.” But who could have imagined the horror and panic that find would bring? Maria’s reading of the book out loud has somehow revived the dead and zombies start appearing all over the world attacking mankind. It’s Hell in the real world!

Dana and Nene are bitten by the zombies and they turn into living dead who attack Rena and Ginko. The poor big‐bosomed babes have no choice but to fight against Maria who now rules the zombies and tries to establish a kingdom of zombies. Rena and Ginko have to challenge Maria and the hordes of zombies! And how does the Blue Demon Devil (Minoru Torihada) fit in?

Frankly, though, I don’t see any DD cups in this trailer, unless DD means something different in Japan:

Someone please shoot me now. Or else quickly produce Big Dick Zombies posthaste.



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