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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

the oh-no! DVD of the week: ‘Space Chimps 2 3D’

Space Chimps was one of the worst movies of 2008, so of course they made a sequel. It didn’t open theatrically in North America, but it did “enjoy” a brief foray in U.K. cinemas this past spring, when it scrounged up a paltry £434,883 over its first weekend… and it was a wide release, on more than 400 screens: movies don’t open in the U.K. too much wider than that.

The sequel had a subtitle in the U.K. — Zartog Strikes Back — and this is what Wikipedia tells us about its story:

Space Chimps 2 follows Comet, the techno chimp who longs to be taken as a fully-fledged space chimp. Comet journeys to Planet Malgor where he bonds with the alien Kilowatt, and lives out his ultimate fantasy. However, it’s time for Comet to prove himself when the feared alien ruler Zartog takes over Mission Control. Comet must show he has the right skills, and join fellow chimps Ham, Luna and Titan, to save the day. The original film saw a crew of resourceful chimpanzees blasted into outer space on a vital mission – now the adventure continues in 3D.

I recognize most of those words as English, and I can discern a sentence structure, but I have no idea what any of it means. I don’t think we can blame the Wikipedia writer for that, because just look at the trailer:

Why? Just… why?



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