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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

the oh-no! DVD of the week: ‘Stonehenge Apocalypse’

If you were derelict enough in your cheesy-movie duties to have missed this masterpiece of awful when it aired on Syfy in June, now you have you chance to rectify this deplorable oversight. If I may quote myself:

Now, we all know just how terrible Syfy Original movies are. This one is worse. And not just because it tries to fool us into thinking that some bad-CGI standing stones in the middle of the mountains and evergreen trees of British Columbia is the ancient monument that sits on Salisbury Plain. (Besides the lack of mountains in Salisbury, there are also some very busy roads right there next to Stonehenge: it’s not in the middle of nowhere.) And not just because the production didn’t even try to pretend they were really in England (all the cars in the movie are lefthand drive; all the fake accents are terrible). Because it involves such ridiculous notions about ancient monuments — not just Stonehenge but also a bunch of pyramids around the world, including one in (*snort*) Maine — that Erich Von Daniken — you know, chariots of the gods, ancient astronauts — would be like, “Dudes, c’mon, this is absurd.”

Enjoy.



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