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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

question of the day: How should we punish dirty slut Natalie Portman for glamorizing out-of-wedlock pregnancy?

Have you heard? That dirty dirty slut Natalie Portman has done a bad thing. No, not have sex — though she did do that bad thing, the nasty whore — but parade around at the Oscars looking beautiful and happy even though her belly is swollen with a bastard child. She should have been hiding herself away in a garret until the demon spawn of her sinful fornicating was born and spirited away to proper parents. What’s more, she had the whorish, slutty gall to go on national — nay, global! — television and not only look radiant and pleased with herself but also to thank the scandalous rogue whom she let knock her up!

Horrors. Get the smelling salts.

Mike Huckabee — Southern Baptist minister, former governor of Arkansas and U.S. presidential candidate, and current professional crazy person — explained it all on the radio the other day, talking to his fellow professional crazy person Michael Medved (via Media Matters for America):

MEDVED: [T]here was – there was one moment [at the Oscars] where a very brilliant and admirable actress named Natalie Portman won Best Actress, and she won for a movie which I loathed called Black Swan. But in any event, she got up, she was very visibly pregnant, and it’s really it’s a problem because she’s about seven months pregnant, it’s her first pregnancy, and she and the baby’s father aren’t married, and before two billion people, Natalie Portman says, ‘Oh I want to thank my love and he’s given me the most wonderful gift.’ He didn’t give her the most wonderful gift, which would be a wedding ring! And it just seems to me that sending that kind of message is problematic.

HUCKABEE: You know Michael, one of the things that’s troubling is that people see a Natalie Portman or some other Hollywood starlet who boasts of, ‘Hey look, you know, we’re having children, we’re not married, but we’re having these children, and they’re doing just fine.’ But there aren’t really a lot of single moms out there who are making millions of dollars every year for being in a movie. And I think it gives a distorted image that yes, not everybody hires nannies, and caretakers, and nurses. Most single moms are very poor, uneducated, can’t get a job, and if it weren’t for government assistance, their kids would be starving to death and never have health care. And that’s the story that we’re not seeing, and it’s unfortunate that we glorify and glamorize the idea of out of children wedlock.

By gum, they’re right! So:

How should we punish dirty slut Natalie Portman for glamorizing out-of-wedlock pregnancy?

(If you have a suggestion for a QOTD, feel free to email me. Responses to this QOTD sent by email will be ignored; please post your responses here.)



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  • AnDL

    ”He didn’t give her the most wonderful gift, which would be a wedding ring!”

    So this wonderful christian righteous man values money, gold and diamond more than a lively healthy child? Nice, I respect him so much now… *Facepalm*

  • benjamin

    She is a slut, who’s kid is that really, because no way its that faggot ballerina husband of hers, no talent soft porn actor she is.

  • banjamin

    you must be one of those star wars nerd whom fantasize that natalie will be your girlfriend, hey Loser she don’t have much talent and if she saw you she would laugh and spit on you, and maybe rip your head off and shit down your throat. She loves child rapists, she supports roman polanski, he should move in with her and her kid.

  • UpstandingCaucasian

    Why don’t you mind your own business? Marriage is something made up by people and has no actual value or meaning. I would wish bad things on you but I’m certain it’s gonna happen anyway. Arrogant cunt.

  • LaSargenta

    This blog’s owner and writer of the above post was being sarcastic and mocking Mike Huckabee, the prurient nasty person quoted at length.

  • Bluejay

    Hilarious that the commenter is defending Portman from what s/he thinks is a misogynistic post… by making a misogynistic attack him/herself. Consistency is not a strength with this one.

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