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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

question of the weekend: How have you prepared for the Rapture?

As you are by now well aware, today is the long-awaited Rapture. American preacher Harold Camping has declared that there’s no mistaking it this time, and that it is to occur at 6pm. Since Camping specified no time zone, we must only assume that a rolling Rapture began at 6pm local time at Kiribati, Christmas Island, a little less than five hours ago. The Los Angeles Times is reporting that no devastating earthquakes appear to have hit New Zealand as 6pm local time passed there, but one cannot be too certain about these things. Perhaps an heretofore unknown element of the Rapture involves Satan tricking the mass media into publishing lies.

How have you prepared for the Rapture?
It is unlikely that you will be among the lucky few who are teleported up into the glorious presence of the Almighty — as this handy flowchart demonstrates, very few of us qualify for eternal salvation — so you’ll have to have something to keep you busy during the tortures of the damned here on Earth. Are you helping out the lucky Raptured few by looking after their pets after they’re gone (God hates puppies and kitties and won’t be Rapturing them, of course)? Maybe you’re planning to simply enjoy the holy apocalypse as best you can, as by stocking up on sweet DVDs during First Run Features The Beginning of the End Sale? Perhaps, like Harold Camping himself, you’ve just gotten the hell out of Dodge. Silly you: nowhere is safe.

Please do share your post-Rapture plans with us… if your typing fingers haven’t been seared off in the heat of the righteous fire.

(If you have a suggestion for a QOTD/QOTW, feel free to email me. Responses to this QOTW sent by email will be ignored; please post your responses here.)



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