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such a nasty woman | by maryann johanson

Battleship (teaser trailer)

In case there was any doubt, there is now a genre of Hollywood film known at “The Michael Bay Movie,” and it no longer requires Michael Bay to actually be connected in any way to a given example of the genre. It just requires his enormous CGI erection poking out at the audience.

Jesus wept.

It’s nice that the trailer lets us know up front how scarily conservative it’s going to be. It’s not just about the American military (which by definition can do no wrong no matter what it does, except when some reckless young punk risks his awesome career, but even that is totally cool because that manly recklessness will later save the world from wickedly advanced alien battletech), it’s set in a world in which adult daughters are the property of their fathers and must receive special dispensation to marry. And also possibly a world in which fathers are able to restrict sexual access to their adult daughters. “Enjoy these naval exercises — they’re likely to be your last.” Interesting metaphor.

Unrelated: I wouldn’t mind doing some naval exercises with Liam Neeson. But I bet the movie won’t indulge that fantasy.

I love the big energy dome thingie the alien ship tosses up. No one will be able to leave the battlezone till the battle is over. It’s like something Captain Kirk would have gotten himself mixed up in. He was reckless, too, but he always saved the ship in the end. Except for a few redshirts nobody cared about anyway. Three guesses who gets to wear the red shirts here…

If you want to know what happens in the movie, I direct you to the snippet of the script I acquired recently.

When the Mayans warned about the world ending in 2012, perhaps they were speaking not about a physical end of the world but cultural one?

US/Canada release date: May 18 2011 | UK release date: May 18 2011

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