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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

John Carter (trailer)


Shhh! Don’t say John Carter of Mars! He’s not of Mars, okay? Because Disney totally tanked with Mars Needs Moms. Mars means box office death.

It’s hilarious, though, because now that Disney has dropped the “of Mars” from the title, anyone who’s not familiar with Edgar Rice Burroughs’ books — which is gonna be a lot of people — will have no idea that most of what they’re seeing in this trailer that isn’t Victorian London is, you know, Mars. Cuz it looks like John Carter has been dropped into, I dunno, Utah, maybe.

And no, the two moons in the sky aren’t enough. Anyone who know Mars has two small moons already knows Burroughs.

Unrelated: Am I the only person who giggles every time I hear the name Taylor Kitsch? If I were starring as a barechested barbarian-type warrior in a movie about Victorian Martians, based on one of the original bits of pulp fiction, I would so not go around calling myself Kitsch.

(movie links and release dates that used to be here are now in the lefthand column)


US/Canada release date: Mar 9 2012 | UK release date: Mar 9 2012


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