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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

things you need to know: women with large breasts are whores, unless they wear burkas (this means you, Christina Hendricks)

This is what Christina Hendricks looked like at the Emmys last night:
Christina Hendricks at the Emmys

This is what Abe Gurko said about her at “I Mean… What?!?”:

You know, if someone walked into your wedding or Bar Mitzvah in this get up, you would call her a kurva (whore in Yiddish).

Clearly, this is true. No woman with such improper breasts should be seen in public unless said breasts are completely covered up. Preferrably she shouldn’t be seen in public at all. Think of the children! Of course Hendricks had to “dodge questions about her body” from reporters at the Emmys, according to The Hollywood Reporter. Just who does Hendricks think she is? Doesn’t she know that women’s bodies are public property to be commented on and policed as others see fit? How dare she decline to respond? Why else would a woman show off her dirty pillows like that unless she wanted us all to talk about them?

LoquaciousMuse thinks she’s all clever and stuff at All Things Fangirl when she writes:

For those of you still asking “But why does she need to have cleavage?”, allow me to explain a little something to you. When you are born with large breasts, like I was, like Christina Hendricks was, like countless women are, the only way to NOT have cleavage is to cover them up completely. Is to wear a boatneck or turtleneck. Are you trying to say that because I am a D cup, I am forbidden from wearing a dress or shirt with a v neck?

But this isn’t going to the office. This is going to the Emmys. This is dressing to the nines to celebrate your hard work and the hard work of everyone else in your field. When you work in television, this is your party of the year, your time to go all out and look amazing. And you, Skinny Bitch Guest Correspondent, is saying that Christina Hendricks should have thought about how distracting her NATURALLY LARGE BREASTS BECAUSE SHE HAS NATURALLY LARGE BREASTS CAN I BE ANY CLEARER ABOUT THAT are and dressed more conservatively? Really? Julie Bowen and Heather Morris were practically not wearing a front to their dresses, but oh, they’re really skinny, so it’s okay.

When you look at Hendricks’ dress, it is in fact gorgeous and incredibly tasteful. As far as necklines go at this sort of thing, the dress isn’t even *that* low cut. The only way for Hendricks to not have cleavage is to dress as she does on the show, and on her special night out, I think she should have the freedom to, you know, not dress like she is a secretary in a repressed 1962 environment. If *any* other woman had worn that dress, there would be no complaints.

Exactly. Hendricks’ breasts are inappropriate by mere dint of their existence. Anyone can see that. Hendricks should learn how to be a modest lady and starve herself down to a size 0 A cup. Obviously.



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