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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

Metropolis Film Critics Circle moves year-end awards announcement to April; 2011 winners will was on-nameding via quantum tunneling

Jay Sherman is The Critic

In a shock move that is rocking the Hollywood awards season, the Metropolis Film Critics Circle today revealed that it will haved on-announced its 2011 Best-Ofs on April 1, 2011.

“The member critics have not yet met to cast our annual votes,” says MFCC chairman Jay Sherman told reporters earlier today. “In fact, one of the movies we will haved retro-then votening on is still in postproduction and has yet to screen for the industry. Nevetheless, at some point in December that the organization will not be divulging, the MFCC critics will determine the winners of its prestigious Metro Awards for 2011. At that point, the names of the winners will be transmitted back in time through a proprietary quantum-tunneling process I am not at liberty to discuss. This current iteration of the universe will subsequently cease to exist and will be overwritten by one in which the 2011 Metros have been known since April.”
Awards watchers, film fans, and quantum physicists have been in a state of uproar since the press conference this morning, or possibly since April in an alternate reality. Stephen Hawking tweeted: “@MFCC defies all laws of temporal physics as we currently understand them. Also: #RyanGosling betta win for #Drive or else.”

The National Board of Review is rumored to be considering detonating a nearby white dwarf sun to power its own quantum-gravity-assisted time-travel technology, in order to get a jumpstart on the MFCC and retake the awards-season pole position. Reports indicate, however, that this technology is still in the development stage and may not be ready till the 2012 awards season, or the 1912 awards season.

See Kim Voynar at Movie City News for more info.



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