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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

today in studio asskissing: Harold and Kumar are here to kill the Christmas child inside you

Santa and Kal Penn in A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas

Did you know there is a new Harold and Kumar movie on its way… just in time to ruin your holidays? Ha ha, ho ho: now you do.
A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas — yes, you read that right: 3D — will be opening on November 4th in the U.S. and Canada, and December 9th in the U.K. Its R rating from the MPAA lays out the holiday fun:

strong crude and sexual content, graphic nudity, pervasive language, drug use and some violence

It’s a gingerbread cookie of festive fun! The 18 rating from the BBFC — the equivalent of the MPAA’s NC-17 — means that no children can see this at all… period. Not even if accompanied by an adult. Not even if accompanied by Santa.

Which can’t happen anyway, because Harold and Kumar kill Santa. No, really:

John Cho Kal Penn and Santa in A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas

And lest you remain under the delusion that any other cherished Christmas traditions from your childhood will go unkilled, rest assured, the boys apparently will be destroying the Radio City Christmas Spectacular:

John Cho Neil Patrick Harris and Kal Penn in A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas

Rankin/Bass claymation holiday specials:

A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas

And Jesus:

A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas

I bet the J-man is totally calling his dealer for some weed.

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