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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

question of the day: What awesome title (invented by you or others) would you like to see attached to a real movie?

Lists of Note recently posted a list kept by Stanley Kubrick of “Titles in search of a script.” Some examples (with recent commentary from Kubrick’s personal assistant, Tony Frewin):

HOT SHEETS
LEG CANDY
LEG MAGIC
FEEL TIGHT
PARTITION MAGIC
(Five vehicles for Sharon Stone. Partition Magic was the name of a software package in the days of DOS that almost allowed you to run two programs concurrently.)

COFFIN NOT INCLUDED
(A 1940s noir thriller. When I was researching props for the morgue scene in Eyes Wide Shut I had a catalogue from a company that supplied funeral parlour equipment. One of the illustrations showed a bier with a coffin on it. The caption read: “The Excelsior Bier (coffin not included.)”)

NIGHTCLUBS, MORGUES, HOSPITALS
(A comedy with Steve Martin.)

THE WIZARD OF AUSCHWITZ
(A concentration camp film with a feel-good ending.)

AUSCHWITZ AND ME!
(A musical. The follow-up to Springtime for Hitler?)

What awesome title (invented by you or others) would you like to see attached to a real movie?

One example that I’ve come across recently is: Reel Steel (which I keep typing when I mean Real Steel). Reel Steel could be a gritty film noir about a private dectective who investigates Hollywood crimes… or maybe it’s a noirish fantasy in which he investigates fictional crimes from movies that he believes are real.

Your turn…

(If you have a suggestion for a QOTD, feel free to email me. Responses to this QOTD sent by email will be ignored; please post your responses here.)



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