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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

question of the day: Which Christmas song makes you want to stab an elf when it pops up during the holidays?

jingle bells jingle all the way to hell

I have until recently been blissfully unaware that Justin Bieber has recorded his very own rendition of “Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town.” And now I can’t unlearn this.

Which Christmas song makes you want to stab an elf when it pops up during the holidays?

Elves need to be careful around me when “Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey” comes on the radio, but “Christmas Shoes” is the one that makes me go nuclear-critical. That horrific little ditty has the highest schmaltz quotient ever achieved in a creation of humanity. I believe it has been known to send otherwise completely healthy people into diabetic shock. I’m pretty sure even Jesus cringes when he hears it. Oh, have you not heard it? Consider yourself lucky. Here’s the chorus:

Sir I wanna buy these shoes
For my mama. please
It’s Christmas eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry sir
Daddy says there’s not much time
You see,
She’s been sick for quite a while And I
know these shoes will make her smile And I
Want her to look beautiful
If mama meets Jesus tonight

*barf*

Your turn. Try not to lose your Christmas dinner…

(If you have a suggestion for a QOTD, feel free to email me. Responses to this QOTD sent by email will be ignored; please post your responses here.)



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