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such a nasty woman | by maryann johanson

which celebrities would survive which kind of apocalypse?

This Is the End

In honor of This Is the End — in which James Franco, Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, Jay Baruchel, Emma Watson, and others survival the end of the world, at least (no spoilers) initially — let us ponder this:

Which celebrities would survive which kind of apocalypse, and which would doom whom?

In my review of End, I note:

[O]f course James Franco would be one of the celebs to survive the apocalypse. Because what *can’t* the guy do?

So we should probably just assume he’s gonna make it through superflu and alien invasion and the day after tomorrow (and of course he’s already survived ape revolution). But what about, say, Matthew McConaughey? Does his slow-talking full-body drawl mean he’s doomed in the face of even the old-fashioned shuffling zombies, never mind the newfangled speedy ones? Will Ryan Gosling survive global warming because he’s just so totally hot already?

Have fun!

(If you have a suggestion for a Question, feel free to email me.)

  • RogerBW

    Helen Mirren will survive practically anything, because Helen Mirren.

    Any number of vapid plastic surgery victims will survive the zombie plague due to having insufficient organic parts to become infected.

  • Danielm80

    I don’t know, but Michael Jackson and Jimi Hendrix will continue to release collections of their greatest hits.

  • MisterAntrobus

    Oh, God, Joan Rivers will live forever . . .

  • Bluejay

    I think Clark Gregg has proven that he can pretty much survive anything.

  • Um, well many of us remember that James Franco can’t co-host the Oscars…

  • MisterAntrobus

    I’m pretty sure that the Apocalypse will reveal that Arnold Schwarzenegger actually is a cyborg – the organic part ages like any other organic matter, right?

  • Just caught Reign of Fire on cable a few nights back: McConaughey would at least make it to the final reel versus dragons.

  • If you can survive a Joss Whedon film, then yes you can.

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