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such a nasty woman | by maryann johanson

Game of Thrones S04 E01: “Two Swords”


(previous: Season 3)

Ooo, Jaime got a haircut and a new sword.


And a new hand! (Though he still won’t be able to pull that Inigo Montoya “I am not lefthanded” trick anymore. Ah, I wonder who would win in a swordfight: Jaime or Inigo?) I had almost thought I was going to have to write something about how Jaime is the only one of his children that Tywin is nice to, and then Tywin had to go and try to kick Jaime out of the King’s Guard. So I still have nothing complimentary to say about Tywin.

I wonder if it’s hard for Jaime to refrain from dispensing a fatherly throttling to Joffrey when he’s being a brat, like in the scene later with Joffrey, when the kid scoffs through the whole meeting about security plans for the wedding, and then scoffs some more at the almost empty pages devoted to Jaime in that history book about the Guard. And does Jaime wonder if it’s the incestuous concentration of nasty Lannister genes in the kid that made him the little monster he is?

Oh hey, and we get to meet a whole new bunch of folks who hate the Lannisters, and apparently with good reason, via Prince Oberyn, for whom menacing Lannisters trumps even enjoying the pleasures of Little Finger’s establishment:


And what a lovely menacing! Whoever the Vermeer of King’s Landing is, maybe he peeked in from another salon and took some inspiration.

So many ominous things in this episode.


“The dragons… can never be tamed, not even by their mother,” says Jorah. Yeah, that’s not too foreboding, is it?


Jorah is going to continue to have a problem with this guy… who, in case you’re confused, is the mercenary Daario Naharis, the one who beheaded his compatriots last season because he couldn’t kill Daenerys like they wanted him to. (The role was recast: he’s now played by Dutch actor Michiel Huisman, because — rumor has it — the last guy, Ed Skrein, will be starring in a reboot of the Transporter films. Which seems like a bad career move to me — starring in a reboot that no one wants or needs — but no one asked me.)


This is going to come back to haunt Sansa, and the poor knight-turned-fool guy. When Joffrey finds out where his new aunt got that pretty thing she’s wearing, he’s gonna kill that guy for real this time, just out of nasty principle. I mean, that’s the best possible thing that can happen after this, right? It could be a lot worse.


I figured Arya and the Hound at the tavern was not going to end well for the other guys, but damn: that child is terrifying. I suspect she’s going to end up being the Stark to get revenge for all the Starks.

(And she got the horse she wanted. Nice twist on the little girls + ponies trope that the Hound invoked.)

No one does grue like this show:



Sorry, but I just couldn’t post an image of what this new creepy north-of-the-Wall guy was cooking over the campfire. *shudder*

(next: “The Lion and the Rose”)

posted in:
tv buzz
  • Drave

    Whoever has been writing the blurbs on HBO Go is having way too much fun. At least the ones on the Xbox version. One of the lines in the most recent episode’s description was “Dany is pointed to Mereen.” Last season, in the one where Sam encounters the white walker, it said “Sam and Gilly meet an elderly gentleman.”

  • Tony Richards

    In the book Arya is stabbing the guy over and over again shouting where’s the gold, how many men are there (in the brotherhood), where’s their leader, etc. Those are the same things the Tickler would ask the captives as he was torturing them. The show made her scene more cold-blooded. I wonder if that’s where they’re taking her character.

  • Marc

    I appreciate that the newly introduced Wildling tribe can fall easily under both interpretations of grue.

  • crowTrobot

    I guess for a book reader it was more impactful, but Tywin melting down Ned’s sword was sad/awesome. Symbolic of Tywin’s complete destruction (so he thinks) of the Starks and erasing one of the great symbols of House Stark.

  • David_Conner

    HBO has a long history of accurate-but-misleading blurbs like that, going all the way back to the Sopranos

  • Matt Clayton

    I personally loved the final scene, especially Arya turning her friend’s killer’s words against him. “I like this blade… think I’ll pick my teeth with it.” She’s becoming quite the hardened killer, isn’t she?

  • Bluejay

    Catching up on these episodes, and they’re great so far!

    So I still have nothing complimentary to say about Tywin.

    But I have everything complimentary to say about Charles Dance. Man, what a cinematic presence. Have you done a Female Gazing for him yet? I nominate an image from this TV film, in which he plays the Phantom of the Opera. That bearing! That stare! Those magnificent lip-synching skillz!

  • We have not gazed at him yet. Good suggestion!

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