There’s clichés in them thar hills. A motherlode, even. Danish filmmaker Kristian Levring’s (The Intended) Western is so unabashedly crammed with stereotypes and contrivances that it’s hard to see how anyone involved kept a straight face while shooting. (The character who is both preacher and sheriff is a particular unintended hoot.) The Salvation is nearly Blazing Saddles without the jokes: it’s all genre conventions with none of the fun, just your inescapable expectations confirmed around every sun-blighted corner. It’s 1870, and cartoon villain Delarue (Jeffrey Dean Morgan: They Came Together) is running a protection racket in a small town somewhere out in the dusty West. (The film was shot in South Africa, and looks nicely sandblasted.) Except Delarue is actually up to something else: he’s working for a mysterious nefarious company that is buying up land for some unknown reason. Because of course they are. You will guess instantly the reason for the landgrab, though of course it’s entirely beside the point. The point is all about how a man picks his battles, and what’s honor and what’s cowardice anyway? How should a man feel when his wife and son are murdered (after his wife is raped, of course) by Delarue’s henchmen? Jon (Mads Mikkelsen: The Hunt), a former soldier in Denmark’s war with Germany, had no intention of going up against Delarue, but Jon didn’t know it was Delarue’s henchmen he killed for their crime. So hooray! The town has a savior. If only accidentally. I love Mikkelsen and I love Eva Green (Sin City: A Dame to Kill For) even more — she plays Delarue’s partner in crime — but even my fangirl adoration could not make this anything other than pure tedium for me.