And I thought regular ol’ zodiacical horoscopes were weird...

Here are the ten signs of cinemastrology, and -- according to my informer -- what counsel members of each sign have received for the coming week:

• il rosa della bussola (sign of the compass rose): Put all projects away, just for a day or two, and revel in your ascendency. You control the power others seek -- do not give it up lightly. There will always be the hungry and the greedy nipping at your heels.

• il chicco di caffè (sign of the coffee bean): When you see your chance coming this week, grab it! How often will you have the opportunity to make such a contribution... or, depending on your mood, throw such a spanner into the works?

• il coltello da formaggio (sign of the cheese knife): Beauty surrounds you because you ensure that it does. Heed not the cruel words of those jealous of your successful -- but remember them next time their utterers are in your sights.

• il libro dimenticato (sign of the forgotten book): Fade in. Your moment arrives this week when the fantasies you weave coincide with the fantasies we all wish to indulge in. But beware letting your fantasies overtake reality.

• il gnocchi avanzi (sign of the leftover potato dumpling): Plot away, and if those plots take on a life of their own, how could that be bad? The position you lost could be yours again, but you must be willing to take risks. Nothing is too extreme.

• il pressa enologic (sign of the wine press): You cannot imagine it all, no matter how desperately you try. Hiring help could work wonders... or it could be seen by many as a sign of weakness. Always, always there must be secrets.

• il pugnale avvelenata (sign of the poisoned dagger): A keen mind and a sharp eye serve you well these days. Never underestimate your opponents as they have underestimated you. Make that phone call: those at the other end of the scheme are ready for your input.

• il ratto nero infetto con peste (sign of the plague-infected black rat): The drive to be better than the best is what fuels your ambition, but even that may not be enough these days. Forget all warnings and ignore all pleas: you dominate when you trust only yourself.

• il monarca lieto (sign of the joyful king): Never has the universe seen such glory as yours -- enjoy it! But know that there is one who can bring it all crashing down. Keep all potential traitors close, and consider their “advice” carefully.

• il pittore pazzo (sign of the mad painter): You cannot fathom the end of the earth. You can fathom the end of yourself. Either one could be your doing... or undoing. Beans could haunt you this week.

(catch up with the unfolding story of cinemastrology here)