obsession boyfriend i'm psyched girl crush i'm dreading enemy

(need an explanation?)

advertisements





when in Stratford-upon-Avon, U.K., I stay at
Adelphi Guest House




The Black Dahlia (review)

The Case of the Desperate Leading Man

He walked into my office like he knew he was trouble.

“Name’s Hartnett,” he said. “I’m looking for my career.”

“I don’t do that kinda work, kid,” I told him. “Too risky. You want your heart broken?”

“It’s already broken,” he said.

He told me a sob story about being from Iowa or some damn place where it’s all barn dances and happily-ever-afters, the kind of place they should keep their kids and not let them run away to places like Hollywood that’ll only crush them. He told me about dreaming a dream and following his bliss, and I told him I’ve seen a hundred, a thousand dumb guys just like him, who think a pretty face and tight abs are all they need in this lousy town, who think that’ll get ’em past more than a couple, three slasher flicks, anonymous meat for the grinder.

(more below the ad... scroll down...)

“I was desperate,” he protested. “I’ve been on the straight and narrow ever since!”

And he’d been trying, at least. More than a couple little independent jobs, nice and respectable. But the lure of the big bucks -- and worse, the big fame -- was too much for him to resist, like it always is for these dumb guys. He’d joined the army a couple times, did pretty well at the battle of Mogadishu, not so well at Pearl Harbor. And that’s when he lost his way, he told me. Dumb comedies, dumb thrillers. Dumb moves. Dumb movies.

“I just don’t know where else to turn,” he cried.

He seemed like a sweet kid, so I told him I’d take a look at the evidence. “I get five hundred bucks a day,” I told him. “Popcorn’s on you.”

I’d heard of De Palma, sure. Who hadn’t? He’d started out in the rough trades, working for a guy named Corman, then gone legit for a while, ironically working with gangsters and killers. But he was up to his old tricks again, if what Hartnett was showing me was any indication. Sloppy stuff. No, more than that: indiscriminate. All shouting, all the time. Guy named Ellroy’d brought him -- De Palma, that is -- a story about a dead girl, another sweet kid chewed up by this lousy town, and maybe it’d had a spark of something truly bitter and ironic on the page, before De Palma got his mitts on it. Now, it was all subplots and sidetracks, and they got shouted as loud as the real important stuff. There was a lot of style there, sure, but hell: anyone can do style. But it’s just more pretty faces and tight abs and no brains and no heart.

“I don’t know what happened,” he said. “I thought I was on the right track lately with this kind of job.”

I didn’t say anything, but I knew more than I had let on. I knew who the kid was, had seen him strut his stuff, knew that, yeah, going hardboiled hadn’t been a bad choice for him. He’d done that cop flick that was all black-and-white and red, the funny book gone serious, and just recently a real twisty one about a guy name of Slevin gets caught up in a real mess. But I didn’t say anything. Didn’t want to get his hopes up. I could see that he might have the right moves, that he had a spark of something classy and classic in this De Palma disaster, too, but he just wasn’t man enough yet to finagle the disaster around to his own benefit. This Hartnett kid, he let himself play the victim, walked right into a slaughterhouse of bad, seduced by the De Palma name, maybe, did okay for a bit before the knives came out at the laugh riot of the ending -- where the shouting ramps up even more and De Palma goes nuts -- and he got chewed up and spit out.

“Did you read the script, kid?” I asked him.

“Well, sure,” he said.

“But did you read it?”

He stared at me like the white light coming out of a projector with the tail end of celluloid on the reel flapping around.

“Okay, look: you know that dead Dahlia girl?” I said.

“Sure,” he said.

“You get how it’s supposed to be sad that she was so desperate for fame and fortune that she’d do anything?” I said.

“Sure,” he said. And then the paparazzi bulb flashed over his head. “Oh.”

I waived my fee. He seemed like a nice kid. But I made him buy me another popcorn on the way out.

(Technorati tags: , )

viewed at a semipublic screening with an audience of critics and ordinary moviegoers
rated R for strong violence, some grisly images, sexual content and language
official site | IMDB
(more below the ad... scroll down...)



comments

Brilliant review! Hope you had as much fun writing it as I did reading it.

Clever little commentary -- a fun read! On another note, your review makes you wonder if Hartnett could learn a thing or two from another midwesterner by the name of Brad Pitt (he was from Missouri yes?). He makes some interesting film choices - REALLY looking forward to Babel (Inarritu's is def a director to watch)!

Your reviews are always great, but this one is particularly brilliant!

I believe Josh is actually from Minneapolis, but that's not as funny as Iowa. But sure, Brad might have a few things to say to this Hartnett kid.

"Here's wishing I didn't have to look at you Hartnett."

That was a well-made review, I wish it could have been made into a movie instead of the Black Dahlia. I don't even want to begin to think of how badly it ended.

Yes, that was a great review. Too bad the movie wasn't equally great, but I guess De Palma was all out of that stuff that dreams are made of...

This is not a review at all. She says virtually nothing about the movie.

If you think I said "virtually nothing about the movie," Jeffmcm, you didn't read closely enough. But if need everything spelled out for you, you've got lots of other options in the film-reviewing arena. I aim to write something that does NOT sound like what everyone else is writing, and once in a while -- like here -- I think I at least come close to that goal.

who I am


I'm MaryAnn Johanson: writer and ponderer in New York City who drinks too much wine and thinks way too much about such inconsequences as movies, TV, books, and the meaning of life.
[email me]
[become a Facebook fan]
[visit my personal Facebook page]
[follow me on Twitter]
[friend me on MySpace]

FlickFilosopher.com is available on Kindle

• contributor, Film.com
• member, International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences
• visit my scratchpad blog, MaryAnnJohanson.com
• read my Doctor Who fan fiction

photo by David Speranza

(postings feed)


top critic on Movie Review Query Engine


as seen on Rotten Tomatoes


member, Online Film Critics Society


member, Alliance of Women Film Journalists

Add to Technorati Favorites

monthly archives

recent screenings and hot movies

just opened (U.S.)
red for no The Twilight Saga: New Moon
yellow for maybe Planet 51
not viewed by me The Blind Side [trailer]
not viewed by me Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans [trailer]
yellow for maybe Broken Embraces
green for go Red Cliff [trailer]
yellow for maybe The Missing Person [trailer]
green for go Precious (expanding)
green for go Fantastic Mr. Fox (expanding)
just opened (U.K.)
red for no The Twilight Saga: New Moon
green for go A Serious Man
green for go The Informant!
box office top 5 (U.S.)
yellow for maybe 2012
red for no A Christmas Carol
green for go Precious
green for go The Men Who Stare at Goats
yellow for maybe Michael Jackson's This Is It
top limited releases (U.S.)
green for go Precious
red for no The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day
green for go An Education
green for go A Serious Man
yellow for maybe Coco Before Chanel
box office top 5 (U.K.)
yellow for maybe 2012
red for no A Christmas Carol
not viewed by me Harry Brown
green for go Up
green for go The Men Who Stare at Goats
coming soon (U.S./U.K.)
red for no The Loss of a Teardrop Diamond
yellow for maybe Serious Moonlight [trailer]
yellow for maybe A Single Man [trailer]
green for go Everybody's Fine [trailer]
red for no The Strip
green for go The Private Lives of Pippa Lee [trailer]
green for go The Young Victoria [trailer]
green for go Creation [trailer]
green for go The Road [trailer]
green for go The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus [trailer]
other current flicks (U.S./U.K.)
green for go Amelia
red for no Antichrist [trailer]
red for no Astro Boy
yellow for maybe The Box
green for go The Boys Are Back
green for go Bright Star
green for go Capitalism: A Love Story [trailer]
yellow for maybe Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant
yellow for maybe Collapse
red for no Couples Retreat
green for go Creation [trailer]
green for go The Damned United
green for go An Education
green for go Five Minutes of Heaven
yellow for maybe The Fourth Kind
red for no Gentlemen Broncos [trailer]
green for go The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus [trailer]
green for go The Invention of Lying
red for no Jennifer's Body
green for go The Messenger [trailer]
green for go Ong Bak 2: The Beginning
yellow for maybe Paranormal Activity
red for no Pirate Radio (aka The Boat That Rocked)
yellow for maybe A Single Man [trailer]
yellow for maybe Where the Wild Things Are
red for no Whiteout
red for no Women in Trouble
green for go Zombieland

2009 screening log

new on dvd

11.17 (Region 1)
green for go Star Trek [buy]
green for go Humpday [buy]
green for go Bruno [buy]
green for go Is Anybody There? [buy]
yellow for maybe The Limits of Control [buy]
yellow for maybe My Sister's Keeper [buy]
yellow for maybe How to Be [buy]
green for go Farscape: The Complete Series [buy]
green for go Gone with the Wind: 70th Anniversary Ultimate Collector's Edition [buy]
(complete list of this week's new releases at Amazon U.S.)

11.16 (Region 2)
green for go Star Trek [buy]
green for go Moon [buy]
green for go Sunshine Cleaning [buy]
yellow for maybe Four Christmases [buy]
yellow for maybe Tyson [buy]
green for go An Evening with John Barrowman [buy]
green for go Doctor Who: The Key to Time [buy]
green for go South Park: Christmas Time in South Park [buy]
green for go Star Trek Trilogy [buy]
green for go Star Trek: The Next Generation Movie Collection [buy]
green for go Star Trek: Films 1-10 Remastered Special Edition [buy]
yellow for maybe Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles Season 2 [buy]
(complete list of this week's new releases at Amazon U.K.)

11.10 (Region 1)
green for go Up [buy]
red for no The Ugly Truth [buy]
green for go The Sarah Jane Adventures: The Complete Second Season [buy]
green for go Ink [buy]
(complete list of this week's new releases at Amazon U.S.)

11.09 (Region 2)
green for go Bruno [buy]
yellow for maybe The Age of Stupid [buy]
red for no Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian [buy]
green for go The Sarah Jane Adventures: The Complete Second Season [buy]
green for go All Creatures Great and Small: Christmas Specials [buy]
(complete list of this week's new releases at Amazon U.K.)

11.03 (Region 1)
green for go The Taking of Pelham 123 [buy]
green for go Thicker Than Water: The Vampire Diaries Part 1 [buy]
yellow for maybe Food, Inc. [buy]
red for no G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra [buy]
red for no Aliens in the Attic [buy]
red for no I Love You, Beth Cooper [buy]
green for go North by Northwest (50th Anniversary Edition) [buy]
green for go Doctor Who: The War Games [buy]
green for go Doctor Who: The Black Guardian Trilogy [buy]
green for go National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (Ultimate Collector's Edition) [buy]
green for go Mission: Impossible: Complete Series [buy]
(complete list of this week's new releases at Amazon U.S.)

11.02 (Region 2)
green for go Public Enemies [buy]
yellow for maybe Last Chance Harvey [buy]
red for no Year One [buy]
red for no Blood: The Last Vampire [buy]
green for go Wallace and Gromit: The Complete Collection [buy]
(complete list of this week's new releases at Amazon U.K.)

my book (Amazon U.S.)

my book (Amazon U.K.)

advertisements

search

Google
flickfilosopher.com
web