Stan Lee’s Lightspeed (review)

“It’s a comic book world, sir.” A spear-carrier offers this by way of explanation -- to his boss, no less, a secret government agent played by, no kidding, former Six Million Dollar Man Lee Majors -- for the fact that the local newspaper is full of news of a superfast crimefighter. It’s the “sir” that seals that line’s dunderheadedness, but it makes absolutely no sense within the context of the film anyway, which offers no evidence that it’s a comic book world at all. I think it’s meant to be funny, but like every other moment that’s meant to be funny -- like when the superfast crimefighter (Jason Connery, Sean’s son) enlists the assistance of a stoner sporting-goods store clerk in purchasing his superhero costume -- it falls so flat the shockwave is still reverberating. The Sci Fi Channel continues its ongoing project of bringing to the cableverse the absolute worse movies ever made with this incongruous, often incoherent flick (it premiered on Sci Fi last summer), which bears no resemblance to any other Stan Lee property (Spider-Man, X-Men, etc.) no matter how hard anyone tries. The villain, though, a dubious fellow called Python, is kind of a low-rent Darkman, and the histrionic ravings of “actor” Daniel Goddard in that role are too astonishingly awful to accept as anything other than a dreadfully misguided attempt at comedy. So there we are: This surely is meant to be funny, and merely utterly fails in the process. No extras. [buy at Amazon]

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