opening wide today: ‘Feel the Noise,’ ‘The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising,’ ‘The Heartbreak Kid,’ ‘The Jane Austen Book Club’

Feel the Noise
It’s a grand epic of the love story of an aspiring rapper and a hottie dancer, spanning the streets of the South Bronx and the nightclubs of Puerto Rico. Not starring Laurence Olivier and Greer Garson. (not screened for critics, and I’m giving it a pass)

The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising
A seemingly ordinary teenage boy discovers he can do magic and has been chosen to fight evil. I’m sure Lord Moldyvort or whoever is quaking in his boots. (my review is here)

The Heartbreak Kid
The Farrelly Brothers are back with their latest deconstruction of the grossout as foreplay. Is there anything more romantic than nasal penetration by foreign objects? I don’t think so. (my review is here)

The Jane Austen Book Club
A bunch of lovelorn California gals sit around reading classic novels and lamenting the lack of Mr. Darcys in their lives. Here’s a hint, ladies: He was from the land of Oxford, not Oxnard. (my review is here)