opening wide this week: ‘The Bucket List,’ ‘First Sunday,’ ‘In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale,’ ‘The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie,’ ‘Atonement,’ ‘The Kite Runner,’ ‘The Orphanage’

The Bucket List
What dreams would you fulfill if you knew you were gonna die soon? Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman star in the first movie from the Make a Wish Foundation for Geezers. (my review)

First Sunday
Ice Cube and a couple of other idiots hatch a scheme to rob their local church of the weekly donations. Guaranteed would-be chuckles include sassy black grandmothers dispensing whacks to the idiots, which we would have done for free. (my review)

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Ray “Goodfella” Liotta plays an evil medieval sorcerer. In a movie based on a video game and directed by a “filmmaker,” Uwe Boll, who has publicly announced that he’d like to punch all film critics. You can’t make this stuff up. (not screened for critics, but I’m gonna try to catch it early next week)

The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie
Colorful amorphous animated blobs that are supposed to be vegetables have a pirate adventure. They don’t have arms or legs, but they have adventures. Go know. Bonus points if you can identify the side-dish species on display. (my review)

Atonement
James McAvoy and Keira Knightley star in the best film of the year, a meditation on love and regret and naughty, naughty language. No, this is not your grandmother’s Merchant-Ivory film. But there’s lots of fodder for fantasizing about a certain adorable Scottish movie star. (my review)

The Kite Runner
Two young Afghani boys, bestest friends forever, endure a terrible trial that divides them. And then the Taliban takes over and cuts down all the trees in their once-beautiful country. It’s the feel-good movie of the winter. No, seriously. (my review)

The Orphanage
Spanish horror! It’s all the rage! The ghosts of creepy kids haunt the former orphanage to which one of their own, all grown up now, returns.... or do they? [cue dramatic music]