The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie (review)

Man, you're a grouchy old bitch who really doesn't understand the point of a kids movie such as this.

Or, maybe MaryAnn understands that lame proselytizing and cheap animation are not the best means to entertain children.

They have some really good music though. Perhaps not in this movie. "Cebuuuuuu...."

You don't get it......DO YOU !!!!!!!!! I will pray for you..hehe.... hahaha... haha, - hahahaha, - haha oh I am so funny.

That's New York for you, if you don't hear or see rude obnoxious comments and a little blood and gore then it's just not entertainment. Drink a little more wine and then continue to wine about everything around you. Anyone who thinks they are a goddess is usually the farthest thing from it - geek or no geek.

That's New York for you, if you don't hear or see rude obnoxious comments and a little blood and gore then it's just not entertainment.

Yes, that certainly explains MaryAnn's recent, very positive reviews of Enchanted, Ratatouille and Hairspray. I mean, who can forget the graphic disembowelling scene in Hairspray, to say nothing of the famous "fuck you, motherfucker" speech in Ratatouille?

Well, that's a plenty dern funny review but it seems to me that MaryAnn had a pretty traumatic childhood. When you go to kids film you need to relax and and enjoy the ride just a little. Once you can suspend disbelief on the whole limbless vegetable thing it all goes down easy. The kids at the theater I went to all cheered at the end so I think that's a better assessment of the film.

I do enjoy your clever critic but it's just not on the mark for this film.

BTW- Ratatouille is a great great film but it's about french fine cuisine which may be much more interesting to film critic than a 4 year old. Just an observation from someone who has kids.

The reviewer is obviously not familiar with this franchise. Some of the things she complains about are "in jokes" for fans of the series. The fact that props "float" next to the limbless vegetable characters is a long running joke that has even been acknowledged by the writers through the characters in various video episodes.

It's fine that the franchise is not her "cup of tea", but other reviewers have noticed that it hits the target for fans of the franchise with Monty Python sensibilities in a form suitable for all ages...a true family film. If that is not what you enjoy, fine, but no need to be snarky about it.

Yeah, Maryanne... you did more preaching in your review than the movie does about God.

"If that is not what you enjoy, fine, but no need to be snarky about it."

Boy, did you come to the wrong site...

Wow. The comments are even more retarded than usual today. Veggie Tales is a really disturbing show. Have you ever heard/seen the Veggie Tales musical number "His Cheeseburger"? It can be easily found on YouTube. As near as I can tell, it is a song about how adultery is okay as long as you don't leave your wife. The guy goes to get a cheeseburger from his favorite restaurant, but they are closed, so we waits in the drive-through all night. While he is waiting, he spots a Denny's that is open and has a really cheap breakfast deal, so he gives in and eats there. The chorus stresses that it doesn't mean he loves the cheeseburger any less, and it's okay because he'll always come back to the cheeseburger. Key lyric: "How could he resist such an offer? He really needed something to munch. Cheeseburger, please do not get angry. He'll eat and be back here for lunch!" It's a song about cheating on your wife! I defy you to listen to it and come up with ANY OTHER EXPLANATION!

Boy, do I feel sorry for kids today. "Who cares how bad the movie is? It's for kids; kids like everything, no matter how terrible! You're crazy to expect quality from a kids' movie, so just eat your boiled spinach... er, watch your movie, and shut up."

(Seriously, what is with all the vicious commenters these days? I've been reading this site for a couple of years now, and they just get worse and worse.)

I like veggietales but I can understand why many people wouldn't like a whole movie about them, especially if they haven't seen the half-hour shows. Joanna, you are right that being a kids movie doesn't make it exempt from criticism.

This review, however, doesn't really bother to tell us why the movie isn't worth seeing (it doesn't tell us much at all, really). The vegetables bounce and don't have hands, the cucumber is shaped like a cucumber, there's a scene with attacking Cheetos. And therefore it's no good? On the contrary, a scene with attacking Cheetos should make any sensible person want to see the film. At least it makes me want to see it.

And Drave, perhaps the silly song is just a silly song? Have you heard "I love my lips" or "Oh where is my hairbrush"? What hidden meanings do these carry? Do those also deal with the subject of infidelity?

Drave:

When you think like a hammer, everything starts to look like nails.

Maybe the guy was just hella hungry and though "What the hey, i'll eat Burger King today instead of McDonald's!"

Right?

Geez, MaryAnn, what's your problem, huh? So you didn't like the movie, that's fine. Do you have to be so damn critical though? God, you're always criticizing things. Who the hell do you think you are? I come to this site to hear your opinion about movies I like, not to hear criticize movies you don't like. In the future, please try to keep your criticism to yourself. Thank you.

Perhaps, she's not getting enough lovin' at home.

What other reason could she possibly have for thinking that Larry the Cucumber looks like a green penis?

My wife and I have watched VeggieTales with our kids for years and have NEVER ever even come close to thinking that about an animated character.

You must be the most disturbed person. Ever. Because of the fact that they actually do look like the fruits they are trying a represent.
Loosen up, and don't be a sick-ass.

What are you? A 14 year old boy?

Well, you did like the Rocky and Bullwinkle movie....I guess anyone can review movies.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Thanks for responding to my previous post though. I like women with balls. Figurative balls that is.

I never thought I'd see the day when a "VeggieTale" movie would create this much controversy.

For what it's worth, both my girlfriend and I are Christians--and yet when we had the opportunity to see this movie last weekend, we ultimately chose to see something else.

If you actually saw this flick and liked it, more power to you.

However, if your best defense of this film is an attack on MaryAnn's love life, you really, really, really need to get a life.

The shabbily fabricated story line behind "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" and its starchy art department make it in no condition to be released out to theaters; however, we must consider Big Idea's budget encumbrance as well as the fact that this film was aimed solely at Christians.

I found your response quite comical, MaryAnn, and pleasantly accurate; the only advice I can give you is this: make it more cordial to Christians next time around. Big Ideas probably chose for the characters to be fruits because of the hidden connotations that can be found pointing back to the Bible: the Fruits of the Spirit, by chance?

Interestingly, the Christian fan base of Veggie Tales says the same thing, albiet by way of complaint.

It would appear that actually the movie aimed for a broader audience by toning down the religious content.

Ah, I see. I guess Phil Vischer had a dollop of reasoning in making them vegetables: he thought their offbeat appearances and affable human traits would make kids immediately gravitate to them. And he was half-accurate; the trouble began when Big Ideas went within their reach and took them to theaters.

The Biblical implications in this film stuck out like a sore thumb. Obviously, the King represented God, and like every episode of VeggieTales, it had a moral: if we trust in God, all things are possible, even the unthinkable.

If there's one thing I have, Mr. Krueger, it's a life (hence, one of the reasons I have offspring to take to see "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything").

My point was that somebody's mind has be to REALLY be in the wrong place, to think that Larry resembles a penis.

that is hands-down *the* slogan of this century.

i find it quite hilarious how men (or boys?) are using vulgarity and sexual insults to defend a franchise based on improving behavior..you know..things like not being grumpy or responding meanly. i don't suppose they've made one about questioning women's sex lives yet? not that the fans were improved by any of the other lessons.

"i find it quite hilarious how men (or boys?) are using vulgarity and sexual insults to defend a franchise based on improving behavior..you know..things like not being grumpy or responding meanly."

Yeah, that's right up there with the guy who wanted to choke Maryann for not liking It's a Wonderful Life.

"It's a song about cheating on your wife! I defy you to listen to it and come up with ANY OTHER EXPLANATION!"

I've seen that episode. Here's an alternative explanation: it is about people who stray away from Christianity to other faiths, and then return and are welcomed back. You may or may not like that message, but it is certainly easily derivable from the song, much easier, in the veggie tales context, then deriving a parable about how cheating on your wife is cool.

Just because Mary-Ann does not like this movie is no reason to spit at her for it. I've seen a few of the Veggie Tales movies/shorts and I think they are funny and entertaining. MaryAnn does not like the genreand thats fine with me, she also has a few of my favs on her critiquing shit list but I don't care, because thats her opinion and I'm fine with that people get way too fucking sensitiveAND personal with something like A MOVIE REVIEW!