daily list: 8 alternate endings that don’t work

1. Atonement. Cecelia and Robbie open a pie shop -- though their signature dessert, the one they’re famous for, is the Rhymes-With-Bundt Cake -- and live happily ever after.

2. Sicko. In an exciting climax, the pharmaceutical and insurance CEOs holding Michael Moore captive in their secret island lair are taken out by a mob of angry endstage cancer victims energized by rage and not afraid to take it out on anyone who gets in their way.

3. No Country for Old Men. Tommy Lee Jones’s sheriff kills Javier Bardem in a hail of gunfire, then travels to Colombia to take out the drug cartels singlehanded.

4. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. Jean-Dominique enjoys a miraculous recovery from his paralysis and ends up inspiring that mob that rescues Michael Moore with his rousing battle cries of “Universal single-payer health care for all!”

5. The Mist. An elite cadre of National Guard secretly rotated back from Iraq comes up with a plan to take out the monsters using the WMDs they located in a hidden bunker in Baqubah.

6. Michael Clayton. Clayton stiffs the cab driver on his fare, and a high-speed chase ensues through the streets of Manhattan.

7. Lars and the Real Girl. Ryan Gosling’s fairy godmother arrives and turns his lifesize sex toy into a real live girl.

8. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Voldemort tells Harry that he is Harry’s father.

(Technorati tags: I Am Legend, alternate ending)