Remember, from forever more, she is Academy Award-winner Kim Basinger. Don’t tell her that, at 55 years of age, she is a bit long in the tooth to be playing the mother of kindergartners, never mind the damsel in distress. Because she will beat you to within an inch of your life with her Oscar.

I received a spammy marketing email from the distributor of this one -- as distinguished from a perfectly legitimate press release from a PR agency -- promoting the film, and it included, as if it were a selling point, this bizarre quote from Pajiba.com:

“For the Christmas season, prepare to be baptized by the Basinger.” --Pajiba.com

Now, I happen to know -- because they’re a little too damn smug about it -- that Pajiba prides itself on being all about critics who don’t want to be lumped in with other critics, and as such they don’t sully themselves by being seen in the presence of other critics at press screenings. So how did Pajiba see this film? They didn’t: the quote is from their coverage of this very selfsame trailer, which is -- I note approvingly -- just as snarkily derisive as I’m being. So take that for what it’s worth: this is as good as what anyone has to say about this movie gets.

Lesson for the day: A trip to the mall can be a killer. And the parking! Don’t get me started.

The perfect topper: the Christmas carols over the carnage.

Also: Holy crap, that is totally music from Myst at the beginning.

While She Was Out went straight to DVD in the U.K. and opens limited in the U.S. on December 12 (preparatory to being sent to DVD without its supper here, too).