say what? 2008
It had to be done: all in one place, the very best bad dialogue of the year 2008.
I didn’t mean to hold these till the movie year was over -- it just sort of happened that way. I’ll return to posting quotes as I hear them for 2009.
There’s surprisingly few of these. That’s how not-great a year at the movies 2008 was: even the bad movies were phoning it in.
No ranking -- quotes are posted in reverse order of movie release dates, with newer films at the top. [Warning: May contain spoilers.]
“What smells dental? Dental and Nazi...?”
--The Spirit (Gabriel Macht), The Spirit
“Don’t forget about the Spirit. He’s someone to contend with.”
--Silken Floss (Scarlett Johansson), The Spirit
“No egg on my face! Not a glob!”
--The Octopus (Samuel L. Jackson), The Spirit
“I’m supposed to have a vase full of blood, and it’s supposed to be in that box.”
--The Octopus (Samuel L. Jackson), The Spirit
“Big bad free-range chickens -- they piss me off with their ugly brown eggs.”
--The Octopus (Samuel L. Jackson), The Spirit
“Goofy is the new handsome.”
--Skeeter Bronson (Adam Sander), Bedtime Stories
“I can’t read your mind. You have to tell me what you’re thinking.”
--Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), to Bella, Twilight
“I like watching you sleep.”
--Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), to Bella, Twilight
“I’m sorry I blamed you guys for raising the emperor.”
--Alex (Luke Ford), The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
“There appears to be an event happening.”
--some guy (Alan Ruck), The Happening
“It doesn’t matter if racing ever changes, what matters is if racing changes you.”
--Racer X (Matthew Fox), Speed Racer
“When Rex died I didn’t know whether I wanted to salt my eggs, never mind keep building cars.”
--Pops Racer (John Goodman), Speed Racer
“Do not eat me when I set you free.”
--D’Leh (Steven Strait), to a big-ass sabertooth tiger, 10,000 B.C.
“These eyes are not my eyes.”
--Sydney Wells (Jessica Alba), The Eye
“Have you seen my report card?”
--bubble wrap kid, The Eye
“Man should pray and not think.”
--(I can’t remember who said this because my head exploded immediately afterward), First Sunday
“It is hot as Satan’s toenails in here.”
--choir director, First Sunday
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comments
posted by JT (Tue Jan 20 09, 1:57AM)
My vote:
"I thought we would meet again only in death." - Latika, Slumdog Millionaire.
One of the hundreds of terrible lines from a terrible movie.
posted by Kit (Tue Jan 20 09, 2:24AM)
I realize Spirit may be overrepresented on this list, but "Come on! Toilets are always funny!"
posted by Alli (Tue Jan 20 09, 7:28PM)
Isn't there a really bad line in Twilight that goes "You're my own brand of heroin." I didn't even see that film, but I heard about that line. Hilarious. Just think in 10 months you'll get to review its sequel MaryAnn!
posted by Tiv (Tue Jan 20 09, 10:08PM)
You didn't even get the first Speed Racer quote right - and you want to slam it? Please....
Nice job. Not.
posted by Der Bruno Stroszek (Wed Jan 21 09, 6:24AM)
2008: The Year Of Awful Film Dialogue Concerning Eggs.