the oh-no! DVD of the week: ‘Into the Blue 2: The Reef’

Because only in this bizarre world we live in are Jessica Alba and Paul Walker considered major stars too good for -- and too talented for! -- cheesy, low-budget, exploitation moviemaking. And so they get replaced with, you know, beautifuler, dumber people in the straight-to-DVD sequel. Not that you’d know that from this sales copy, which hopes you’ll be misled into thinking that Walker and Alba are back:

Beautiful reefs and unsavory transgressions meet again in this sequel to the hit action-adventure thriller starring Jessica Alba, Paul Walker, and Josh Brolin. This time the danger is foisted upon unassuming professional scuba divers Dani (Laura Vandervoort) and Sebastian (Chris Carmack), a young, money-strapped couple who can’t turn down the hefty compensation offered by some suspicious clients who want to take a tour of the local Hawaiian reefs. Far from land and anyone who can help, Dani and Sebastian soon realize it’s going to take every ounce of strength and courage they can muster if they hope to survive not only the deadly waters, but also the vicious criminals who brought them there. Packed with thrills and beautiful oceanic cinematography, INTO THE BLUE 2 co-stars Audrina Patridge (THE HILLS) and is helmed by veteran director Stephen Herek (MR. HOLLAND’S OPUS, BILL & TED’S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE).

SPOILER! I bet they survive not only the deadly waters, but the vicious criminals too.