trailer break: ‘Orphan’

Well, Vera, obviously there is something wrong with being different.

We’ll never guess her secret? Oh, pul-leeze. She’s Satan’s slave. She’s Carrie’s clone. No, wait, she’s Damien’s child! And she killed Damien, and that’s why she’s an orphan!

No? Not scary anymore? We need something more modern to terrify us?

How about: Her little body is inhabited by the spirit of an evil hedge-fund manager who wants to ruin the credit rating of her adoptive parents. She’s the reincarnation of an oil-company executive who returns to Earth to ensure we drill in Alaska. No, wait! She’s the love child of Michael Bay and whoever wrote that line in the trailer -- “It must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own” -- and is simultaneously compelled to make things blow up and offend people.

The Orphan opens in the U.S. on July 24 and the U.K. on August 7.