‘Doctor Who’ thing of the day: Just who the hell is River Song, anyway?

Simon Brew Den of Geek has given us a wonderfully silly, wonderfully exasperated rundown of the possibilities we’re grappling with when we contemplate the mystery of River Song. Here are the bullet points:

• SHE’S THE DOCTOR’S WIFE!
• SHE’S AMY POND!

• SHE’S A TIME LORD!

• SHE’S AMY’S DAUGHTER!

• SHE'S THE DOCTOR’S KILLER!

• SHE’S THE RANI!

• SHE ISN’T A SHE, SHE’S A WHAT!

• SHE’S A MIXTURE OF ALL OF THE ABOVE THEORIES!

• SHE’S SOMETHING ELSE ALTOGETHER!

I urge you to enjoy all his wild -- and not so wild -- speculations in full (and then come back here).

I think I might be happiest if we learn that River really is “just” someone the Doctor has had/will have/is having a passionate romantic relationship with. I guess that’s the fangirl fanfic writer in me, but I think I will be a little disappointed if River turns out to be Amy, or the Rani, or anyone else we’ve already met, but in disguise all this time. I like to think about the Doctor being happy, if only for isolated moments, and if only for a little while. Doesn’t he deserve that?

Also, I do hope that whatever happens, it means Alex Kingston gets to be in a helluva lot more Doctor Who, because she is pretty much the most awesome babe ever.

Whom do you hope River will turn out to be? Or does it not matter to you as long as the story is well told?

(If you stumble across a cool Doctor Who thing, feel free to email me with a link.)