I am a child of the summer blockbuster. I was at an impressionably unsophisticated age when Jaws came along and chomped its way into my brain, and then the movies just kept getting bigger and more expensive and more hyped as I got old enough to get more interested in movies. And even when I began to understand the machine that churns out the Summer Blockbuster(TM) in all its stupendous, overblown glory, and even as I began to watch movies with a more critical eye, I was still suckered in.

I may be more disappointed today than I once was in the often craptacular excess that is the summer blockbuster, but I still work myself up into a state of practically religious frenzy in anticipation of them. Will this summer's biggest popcorn flick be another rollicking, globetrotting, it's- not- the- years- honey- it's- the- mileage adventure, or a just a big, dumb, loud, blowed- up- real- good- in- slo- mo disaster? I can't wait to find out.

In the meantime, a look back at summer blockbusters past. Unsurprisingly, many of the biggest films from the summers of the past 28 years are on my own personal movies- that- warped- my- brain list, the Flick Filosopher Top 100. And many of them pass the Surf Test: When I'm flipping around 200-plus channels and come across a movie I've seen a hundred times, and I have to watch it again anyway, that flick has passed the Surf Test.

(Get the scoop on this organized Cinemarati reminiscing over at Cinemarati.org.)

1975
Jaws
FF100: 63
Surf Test: Pass

When I was little, my family used to rent a cottage on Cape Cod each summer for a couple of weeks in August. I remember seeing this movie at a drive-in on the Cape, though I had to sneak glimpses around my mother's fingers -- she kept slapping her hand over my tender 6-year-old eyes, lest I be unnecessarily traumatized by the shark and the blood and Richard Dreyfuss's hairy, pasty-white legs.

All our snapshots from that summer's vacation are of lots of people on the beaches and no one in the water.

1977
Star Wars [my review]
FF100: 15
Surf Test: Pass

I was terrified of Darth Vader, and more terrified of the stormtroopers, who looked like skeletons. And I loved that feeling that I was really flying in an X-Wing during those dives into the trenches of the Death Star during the final battle. Not much else from that initial viewing comes back to me, but clearly something of the experience wormed its way deep into my soul and helped turn me into the enormous dork I am today. Yes, Star Wars was my gateway drug to geekdom.

Someday, I'm going to get the opportunity to make an impassioned little speech like the one Kevin Costner makes in Bull Durham about long slow wet deep kisses and the wrongness of Astroturf, and somewhere in the middle of it I will say, "I don't believe that Greedo shot first."

1978
Grease [my review]
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Pass, but I'd probably keep flipping if it were interrupted by commercial breaks

I still can't do the hand jive, but the name of this flick alone sets off a John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John duet in my head. I got chills. They're multiplying. And I'm losing control. Cuz the power that you're supplying, it's electrifying. The soundtrack is awesome for long car trips.

1979
The Muppet Movie
FF100: 77
Surf Test: I can't remember the last time I saw this on TV, but I seriously need to finally watch my DVD

Just thinking about thinking about the merest wisp of a snippet from "The Rainbow Connection" is enough to set me sniffling. And Kermit riding that bike... there's something wistful and hopeful and indescribably beautiful about his spindly froggy legs pushing those pedals confidently through the autumn leaves. I don't know if there were autumn leaves in that scene, but there should have been.

1980
The Empire Strikes Back [my review]
FF100: 9
Surf Test: Pass

The kids today don't get it. Sure, they line up (and have to fight off geeky grownups like me) to get their hands on the new Harry Potter, but Rowling doesn't leave them dangling at the end of each book. Can you imagine if The Goblet of Fire had ended with Voldemort saying, "No, Harry, I am your father. Join me and together we'll rule Little Whinging as father and son" and Harry yelling "Noooooooo!" and Ron's body, under a CryoFreezus Immobulus spell, being taken away by a rogue bounty hunter from the Ministry of Magic, and Hermione discovering she'd been adopted by Muggles and in fact came from a noble line of Purebloods and Harry was really her brother? And then Rowling forced her adoring kiddie fans to wait three freakin' years to find out what happens next?

Cuz that's what George Lucas did to me when I was 11 years old. And I'm not sure that I ever recovered.

1981
Raiders of the Lost Ark
FF100: 2
Surf Test: Pass

If I had to pick an ultimate movie, a movie that defined movieness, it would have to be this movie. It's got it all: fantasy, adventure, exotic travel, monkeys, dusty ancient artifacts, biplanes, Nazis, certain doom, "Throw me the idol, I throw you the whip," and a smirking, snarky Harrison Ford. I'd live in this movie if I could.

1982
ET: The Extra-Terrestrial [my review]
FF100: 17
Surf Test: Not sure that I've ever come across this one while just surfing...

Remember when none of us had ever heard of Reese's Pieces? This flick must be the single greatest demonstration of the value of product placement, like, ever.

This is probably the first movie that ever made me sob my eyes out. But not because of the product placement. Though when I think about that now, it makes me want to cry, too.

1983
Return of the Jedi [my review]
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Pass

We lined up, my little brothers and me and about 2000 other kids, around the Fox Theater in Setauket, Long Island, and waited, very patiently, considering that we had already waited three whole years. What had Yoda meant, There is another? Vader had just been metaphorical with the dad thing, right? How long could a human being be frozen in carbonite? The anticipation was killing us -- it was Christmas Eve and the day before your birthday combined.

In the middle of the speeder-bike chase scene, the film got stuck in the projector and burned up. I thought the audience was going to riot. (They fixed the film and got it going again.)

It was the first time I had waited on line for hours just for a movie. The theater went out of business not too long after that, and it was empty for years, and then it became a Blockbuster Video, and then that closed, and the building was torn down recently. It's like that melancholy Kinks song: "They put a parking lot on a piece of land / Where the supermarket used to stand"...

1984
Ghostbusters [my review]
FF100: 5
Surf Test: Pass

One of the most eminently quotable movies of all time, or at least that I've ever seen. Half my personal vernacular springs from here. "You don't generally see that kind of behavior in a major appliance." "When someone asks if you're a god, you say Yes!" "Nice doggie. Maybe I got a Milkbone." *shakes head, wipes little tear of joy from eye*

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Pass

Pass, yes, but Willie Scott still must die.

1985
Back to the Future
FF100: 23
Surf Test: Pass

Why couldn't I be Marty McFly, and have a wacky mad scientist pal and time travel and come home to find my family way cooler than when I left? It's not fair.

1986
Top Gun
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Fail

When I was in my early teens, one of the things that I thought I wanted to be when I grew up was an Air Force fighter pilot. I find this particularly hilarious today because not only did the Air Force not even allow mere females to be fighter pilots until after I had outgrown this delusion, but the thought of me having to submit to any kind of authoritarian hierarchy is downright side-splitting.

You might think the genesis of this desire had something to do with overexposure to Top Gun, but I'm embarrassed to admit that I've never actually seen it. A deficiency in my film education to be remedied, I realize.

1987
Beverly Hills Cop 2
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Fail

I recently watched Beverly Hills Cop for the first time in years, and it was, contrary to my memories of it, so boring and unfun and like some dreadful midseason episode of a Friday-night cop show that I couldn't even bear to watch the sequel even though I'd rented that at the same time too. And the sequel's gotta be even worse, hasn't it?

1988
Who Framed Roger Rabbit [my review]
FF100: 80
Surf Test: Pass

So awesome I forget sometimes that Roger is not a contemporary of Bugs.

1989
Batman
FF100: 56
Surf Test: Pass

This was the summer that movie hype reached a crescendo... or maybe it was just the first summer I was paying attention to the hype. People were stealing those way-cool teaser posters -- the ones with the yellow bat signal on the black background, and nothing else -- from bus shelters. I wanted one, too.

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
FF100: 31
Surf Test: Pass

The best of the Indy flicks. All movies should be this perfect.

1990
Ghost
FF100: Very definitely N/A
Surf Test: Very definitely Fail

Demi Moore, with one exquisite glycerin tear streaking down her cheek to represent all her grief and rage? Pul-leeze.

1991
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
FF100: 69
Surf Test: On the Pass/Fail cusp

Linda Hamilton's biceps in this film scare me. But her dream of nuclear annihilation is truly terrifying.

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Pass *hangs head in shame*

I saw this flick a bunch that summer, and loved it. It's total schlock, and completely hilarious -- Costner must be prevented from ever attempting an accent again -- but I still love it. Cut his heart out with a spoon, because it'll hurt more? Classic.

1992
Batman Returns
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Needs a more serious schedule of TV airings for me to decide

This is the one with Michele Pfeiffer, right? I get confused.

Lethal Weapon 3
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Fail

This is the one where Mel Gibson acts crazy and Danny Glover is getting too old for this shit, right? I get confused.

1993
Jurassic Park [my review]
FF100: 88
Surf Test: Pass

I saw this one way too many times on the biggest screens I could get to, unable to get enough of the herds of brachiosaurs and even the scary-cool rampaging T. rex. I don't care what anyone says about special effects -- those dinos were real. It was like the most thrilling childhood fantasy/nightmare come true, but then, Spielberg's always been good at that, hasn't he?

Also, I'm going to marry Sam Neill someday, though he doesn't know it yet.

1994
Forrest Gump [my review]
FF100: 65
Surf Test: Pass

Yeah, the box- of- chocolates and stupid- is- as- stupid- does stuff got way overplayed as the Memes of Summer that year, but I still love the film's exploration of the fundamental interconnectedness of all things.

The Lion King
FF100: 58
Surf Test: Pass

Remember that awesome trailer that consisted of just the opening "Circle of Life" number, and that's it? It was so beautiful it made me weep. The rest of the movie was nice, too. Heh: They got Rowan Atkinson to sing.

1995
Batman Forever
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Fail

This is the one with George Clooney? I get confused.

Apollo 13 [my review]
FF100: 74
Surf Test: Pass

Nerdy science stuff + Lots of my boyfriends (Bill Paxton, Loren Dean, Gary Sinise) = A girl-geek's dream

1996
Independence Day
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Pass

I can't help it -- those giant spaceships descending from the sky give me a real chill of terror and excitement. When the real aliens arrive, they're gonna face an uphill battle trying to convince us they're not here to eat our faces. If they really are here to eat our faces, their advance PR people are doing a good job.

Silly movie, ultimately, but it flies high on the palpable charisma -- as a pair and separately -- of Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith.

Twister [my review]
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Pass

It's like The Weather Channel only with a plot and my boyfriends Bill Paxton and Cary Elwes. Weather Channel geeks understand why this is a cool movie, but everyone else only sees flying cows and Helen Hunt in a white tank top.

1997
Men in Black [my review]
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Pass

Will Smith and aliens again. Best SF comedy in years. Best intentional SF comedy, that is.

The Lost World: Jurassic Park [my review]
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Pass

Needs more Sam Neill, but I almost like this one better than the first. Though as with the Indy movies, the introductory flick had such a mind-blowing impact that it's hard to see past that. Still, can't beat that Godzilla ref toward the end.

1998
Saving Private Ryan [my review]
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Fail

Devastatingly powerful film, and hence not one I can bear to watch too often.

Armageddon [my review]
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Fail

Devastatingly awful film, and hence not one I can bear to watch too often.

1999
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace [my review]
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Fail

I never thought I'd hear a Star Wars character utter the word "Yippee." Do you think Lucas has any honest idea how all those millions of kids who waited on line with me to see Jedi back in 1983 have had their faith in all that is right and good and decent hopelessly crushed by this new trilogy?

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me [my review]
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Pass

Austin Powers always makes me want to get up and dance. I wish I had white go-go boots.

2000
Mission: Impossible 2 [my review]
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Fail

Dear god, this movie made money? Why?

Gladiator [my review]
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Pass

Ah, now this is a blockbuster like the kind I remember: sweeping and epic and emotional and kick-ass all at the same time. I went to a Thursday-night just- before- opening- day midnight screening , and all my friends were falling asleep around me, and I was riveted. I'm kinda on the outs with former boyfriend Russell Crowe since he went and married someone not me, but watching this flick again makes me forgive him, just a little.

2001
Shrek [my review]
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Pass

Any movie in which a character is actually called Donkey and Michael Eisner gets a swat is a-okay with me. I wonder if kids today will remember this one the way that I remember The Princess Bride. Of course, there were no Buttercup Happy Meals or talking Wallace Shawn dolls or Fire Swamp playsets to dampen any affection one might feel for that movie.

The Mummy Returns [my review]
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Pass

Not as good as the first one, and not as good, of course, as any of the Indiana Jones movies, but what says summer more than spending your vacation battling reincarnated evil in the desert sands and saving the world from domination?

2002
Spider-Man [my review]
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Pass

Sam Raimi is a geek. Peter Parker is a geek. I'm a geek. Life is good.

Star Wars: Attack of the Clones [my review]
FF100: N/A
Surf Test: Fail

*sigh* Pretty much saved only by the filling-in-the-blanks fantasies of 34-year-old 8-year-olds everywhere, and Ewan McGregor's spot-on impersonation of Alec Guinness.

--MaryAnn Johanson
06.27.03

More Cinemarati summer reminisces.
Also:
Catherine Cantieri/Hole City
Jill Cozzi and Gabriel Shanks/Mixed Reviews
Nick Davis/Nick's Flick Picks
Nat Rogers/The Film Experience