Subject: your Kill Bill Vol.2. review
From: Adrian [drmadrain@yahoo.com]

Just wanted to say, you're one of the more insightful movie reviewers out there, and I appreciate your work. Thank you especially for reminding me about "Milk and Cheese." Damn, I haven't seen them since high school (almost 10 years ago, and now, I feel old). Before they get to Tarantino, though, there was one episode of them donning Darth Vader helmets and wreaking havoc, which reminds me - please, send them after George Lucas. Because if there is one person who can compete with Quentin's love for himself, it's George's love for himself.

Thanks again.

I respond:

You're welcome. Good to know I'm not the only one who loves M&C.

Subject: Question about the site
From: spaceace@euroweb.net.mt [spaceace@euroweb.net.mt]

Was it written by a chimpanzee? Or did Tarantino sleep with your mother? I'm guessing it's both

I respond:

You do realize that you're insulting Tarantino as much as you're insulting me, don't you?

Subject: Kill Bill v2 review
From: Ali Jafari [AJafari@askjeeves.com]

You have to admit that using Morricone's "L'Arena", the greatest piece of music ever written, when Uma punches her way out of the coffin was genius on QT's part. Nothing like seeing Pai Mei's work realized.

In fact, If Pai Mei hadn't died by being poisoned with a fish head, and was standing outside the coffin at the exact moment Uma escaped, I bet he would have spit in her eye, or made her drink milk out of a straw after punching her in the mouth. QT's work is subtle like that.

Loved your review by the way, even though I loved the film more. Keep up the great work!

I respond:

Actually, I don't have to admit anything. :->

Glad you liked the review.

Subject: Kill Bill
From: M M [carjuna@hotmail.com]

Hey.

Let me start off with how I watch movies in the theatre: if the plot in the ads look good, if its about something I like, and if it just looks like something I'd enjoy. If it comes between two movies I should see, I read your reviews - but I absolutely never cloud my judgement with critic's reviews (at least, the common ones.).

In your reviews I tend to notice a lot of annoyance towards critics, and in particular, their effects on a particular filmmaker. This is partially why I don't read those reviews. Sometimes if you don't come into the theatre with that mentality, you don't see, or notice, those things (if they are there at all), and you can enjoy the film as it is. However, I DO realise as an experienced fim critic you may see those things on your own, though probably not all.

Don't get me wrong here, I do love your work...but some things keep cropping up. You see to be a bit of a femenist, and bring up 'phallic symbols' and women being treated as objects and not themselves, etc. For instance, your comment at the end of your review, about 'women only being owned by men and babies'. I don't think, (and I know I could be wrong), that that idea was supposed to be broadcasted for all women. It's just that B's psychology and experince in life caused her to be that way. How she fell into Bill's hands isn't shown in that movie, but after that many years of serving him, it becomes like that. And it's not like I'm saying thats GOOD, but I don't think that it was directed at all women. (Yes, I know, a lot of women are exploited here. But look at what they do.)

I do agree with you on a few subjects of the movie. The drawn out scenes...dear god. They really did last too long, some of them. It became excruciating, like your mind was screaming "PLEASE CHANGE TO ANOTHER FRICKIN' SCENE!". But all the same the movie does have some excellent work and filmmaking in it. I can't exactly back this up, either, but I don't think that Quentin is the one who made the ads that said "The X film by Quentin Tarantino!" Marketing is usually a hard to deal with department. I, however, could be entirely wrong.

One final question...if you saw these movies without knowing all the hype, without thinking about critics and even leaving Quentin out of the pictured entirely... (My friend said to me: "I can only appreciate Quentin's movies if I don't think about him. He's like a little child. That's not to say his movies or bad, though." Referring mainly to how he appears on talk shows.) Would you like the movie?

That's all. Sorry if I seem argumentative - I really do love your reviews.

I respond:

You say "You see[m] to be a bit of a feminist" like that's a bad thing, like someone might say, "You seem to be a bit of a racist." What's wrong with demanding that women be treated like human beings?

I went into *KBV1* expecting to like it, because I've really liked Tarantino's other films. I also was not thinking about "other critics" when I saw *V1,* because "other critics" had not yet weighed in on the film. In other words, I saw the film before the hype hit. Does that answer your question about whether I was negatively influenced by the "hype"?

The reader responds:

Ack, I apologise, MaryAnn.

No, I didn't mean it in a bad way - I was observing. To fill you in, my basic thought on femenism is that women do deserve equal rights - a good example of women beign treated badly is the 50's. Of course I think women have many cases they are treated unfairly in - I don't see any problem with women being treated by human beings. However, I notice that many times femenists take small things in film and perhaps writing too far - its there, yes, but that is from the mind of one person, and in some cases, limited to that part. I apologise again, I didnt mean for it being taken that way - I beleive I wrote it with the intention of observing a fact and wondering if that perhaps influenced your decision on the film. Again, let me state: Yes, she WAS treated badly. But I dont think it deserves mentioning - they movie does not have connotations of that throughout (that I perceived; I'm not as sensitive about noticing subtext, sadly) - for example, perhaps of Lucy Liu's character.

Also, in looking over my letter to you again, I think I may have come across as a bit arrogant, perhaps annoying. I don't think I quite managed to write down what I was thinking properly, and it came out badly. I'm sorry.

My actual intention of writing you was to question what in particular, you disliked about the movie? I'm just rather curious. Your article on Vol.1 has 7 paragraphs.

It just that, out of those, paragraphs 1, 2, 6, 7, and the first 3/4 of five are not specifically about the movie's content, but rather about what surrounds the movie. So my question would be, since you saw this without reading the hype that would arrive after (as I assume you saw a pre-screening), why didn't you write about what, in the movie, you disliked? In more detail, I mean. Please keep in mind I am NOT saying it is devoid of such information - your comments were apt...such as the comment about Sonny Chiba there as "Hey! Look at me!", and the many other things there. In fact, I AGREE with what you wrote. Perhaps I should just quiet down. I really do enjoy your work, and this could blow out into something bad, mroe than what it was orginally intended...

Sigh. Again, I apologise.

I respond:

The attitude toward women in the *KB* films is a "small thing"? Oh well, then, never mind.

My reviews are pretty much always about a movie's content, although quite often the commentary is in the subtext. Tarantino's love of himself suffuses *Kill Bill,* to the exclusion of other things that are typically considered necessary for an entertaining film. I think I basically said that.

Subject: Kill Bill review
From: Jawad Tariq [jtariq@luc.edu]

I normally respect your opinions and your reviews are fairly entertaining, but I don't understand the logic you use in the last paragraph of your review where you say:

"Quentin's Low Opinion of Women Is Hailed as Romantic (But Not by Me). Women belong to men or to babies, and the change in ownership happens in an instant. Women do not belong to themselves. Isn't that sweet?".

All the important female characters in the film, like O-ren Ishii, Go-Go Yubari, Elle Driver and The Bride are very strong independent women. They show their lack of domination by men on more than one occasion; O-ren gets to the top of the illustrious Japanese council, then proceeds to slice Boss Tanaka's head off. Go-Go Yubari 'penetrates' some douchebag who wants to have sex with her and leaves him bleeding from his groin. Elle Driver slowly and deliberately ends Budd's life. And most significantly, The Bride goes through dozens of warriors in the House of Blue Leaves sequence, all of whom were men. And she kills Bill.

So what gives? Because she's happy to see her daughter is alive and sits down and watches cartoons with her at the end, somehow she's taking on the stereotypical women's role. She extracted revenge all by herself, except maybe with help from Pai Mei, on people who ruined her life. She kills the father of her child, which more than anything, is an indication that she belongs to herself and is not dependent on any man. Also, even IF somehow on some level, the characters do things that do not reflect women in the best light.. how is this a reflection of Quentin Tarantino's personal beliefs? If a character in his movie is degrading to women, it doesn't mean Tarantino has a low opinion of them. It just means that the character in his movie is sexist. Could you explain your position a bit better? Especially after you gave Dogville such a rave review and placed it at the top of your '04 list, when I thought it was one of the most blatantly misogynist films I had ever seen.

Thank you.

I respond:

So, you only respect my opinions when they coincide with yours? :->

What happens to all those "strong independent women" you mention (the ones other than The Bride, I mean)? They get killed. Slaughter. Tortured. Maimed. By the one character who states explicitly that she belonged first to a man, then to her baby. They're punished for taking The Bride away from her future husband and her unborn baby and a life that many people would consider the only "appropriate" one for women. Punished by the woman who was attempting that "appropriate" life. That's hardly a celebration of "strong independent women."

I do wonder about people, however, who equate "strong women" with "women who beat up men." That's hardly a positive depiction of women, either, and it's not what feminism is about.

It's not that a particular character in the film is sexist, it's that that attitude pervades the entire film. And a film's point of view certainly *is* the filmmaker's responsibility. Look, it's a free country -- Tarantino can believe whatever the hell he wants to believe. But his freedom of thought and artistic expression does not negate my freedom to say whatever the hell I want to say in response about something he presents for public consumption.

Oh, and *Dogville* is about condemning the kinds of behavior that *KB* celebrates.

Subject: Bill Shoots a Wad Vol 5
From: Mike McNeill [ac.mike@comcast.net]

"jerking off gesture", "embarassingly masturbatory", "desperate love-me shit", "watching Tarantino play with himself", "Tarantino is indulging himself ", " What Gets Quentin Off", "Anti-Cockfuckery", "their cow-juice-powered rage!" ......... All actual quotes spattered around and impregnating your Kill Bill 1/2 reviews. To that I say:

Dear Onan Almighty! With leggy dirty blondes covered in hot loads!! I have never heard so many monkey-spanking references in one (er...two) reviews since the days when I used to read the articles of those award-winning SWANK and Oui Magazines. I mean, I've read all of your reviews over these past few years and I have never heard so much hot spouting from you over one director, even Michael Bay, in the whole of your site. It seriously made me wonder if you've been rowing the little man in the canoe a bit too much lately? Hmm? What exactly did QT do to inspire all these lipid pools of criticism from you? After reading you turgid reviews, I'm a bit confused and deflated. Here's what I've summed up:

1. You hate Quentin. He's think he's full of himself, an asshole, mysogynistic, a pig, has a dirty blonde fetish, and spills his semen a lot - especially while writing, directing movies, or reading comics.

2. You saw the movie(s).

3. You kinda maybe liked the first one, since you tend to like "guy" movies, had it not been so pretentious somehow and contained the mental masturbation or ego or bukkake or movie version of a rimshot or something or other

4. I don't know what in the semen-soaked Hell you actually thought about the 2nd movie, other than the actresses are dodging Quentin's fountains of white-hot man-load while fighting with Jesus H. Christ's Hattori Hanzo's Phallic Swords, washing, and repeating. (whew, that was a mouthful)

Now I love your reviews, especially when you tear apart a shitty movie. But seriously, I just didn't picture Quentin furiously fisting his phallis while fiddling with the idea of this flick with Uma and then wiping off the coffee table. And I must disagree that two dirt and blood and sweat covered blondes fighting with swords gets him off or is even in the least bit sexy. Although I've never touched his tinkie or seen him tug one out, as a man myself, I can certainly tell you that QT gets Hard-On by the same things that stiffen all of us who are vaginally challenged: Naked Blonde, Brunette, or Redhead Girls with Big Perky Tits, small waists, and pretty skin, hair and lips gyrating, kissing, rubbing, licking or otherwise performing the sex acts or getting cummed-on by us or someone else. Any (straight)man who says otherwise is completely lying, even the pious religious types. It's in our genes. It can't be denied. Now that being said, isn't it entirely possible, since both Q and U sat down over coffee and cigarettes on multiple occasions and dreamed up this whole fanboy movie, that they thought it would be cool and empowering to have WOMEN doing the fighting and ass kicking and getting dirty and bloody instead of the men, as with all the old kung fu theatre flicks? And just because the women are wearing semi-sexy outfits at SOME points in the movie, doesn't mean any man in the theatre is actually sporting wood. I didn't, I was in kick-ass kung-fu swordplay yet -in-a-non-phallic way and my hand not anywhere near my dick-mode. And I'll bet a stiff mushroom headed Benjamin Franklin that Quentin was soft and flaccid as well.

One more thing, "bunch of scary babes, the kind the fanboys love to be terrified of," - I must totally disagree with that quote. Fanboys LOVE these kind of babes, but terrified? Hardly. First of all they don't exist, so it's like being scared of the trans-dimensional purple bunny rabbit. If you're referring to tall, thin, hot chicks like Uma and Daryl, who are wearing sexy outfits, the likes of which can be seen walking around Los Angeles or New York regularly, yes, those are intiminating babes to us shorter, not so hot guys. Just like Tyson Beckford and Brad Pitt would be extremely intimidating to 99.9 percent of the women in the U.S.

So after all this venom squirting and cockfuckery aside, what do you really think about the movie(s)? Yes it was waaaay drawn out, (jeeeezus Christ David Carridine stop talking and fight please), and actually the two movies should have been reversed, with the final huge battle with the crazy 88 at the end, but oh well. I must say I'm surprised you didn't like the popcorn fun or the crazy fucked-up violence-cute touching moment-crazy fucked-up violence that made Pulp Fiction such a knockout movie and great hit.

Please don't leave me holding....er....hanging.

P.S. Between your reviews and my reply here I think we covered every way of saying "male masturbation to orgasm" that there is. Oh wait...."Ham Slamming". There. Got em all.

I respond:

Gee, don't you know a metaphor when you see one? It's *artistic* masturbation I'm talking about, man: *artistic."

Except Quentin clearly is in love with Uma, and I don't really want to think what he does with her outtakes.

The reader responds:

Yeah yeah, I got the artistic metaphor thingy, but I think Freud would have had a field day with the sheer amount of them that you used. That's all I was pointing out. So did you hate the second movie? Or was it entertaining? Or simply f**ed up? I just got lost in all your artistic metaphors.

I respond:

Sometimes a metaphor is just a metaphor.

I think my review of *KBV2* make perfectly clear the level of my disdain for the film.

06.09.04

to batch #1 | to batch #3