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selected reader mail from 04.04 (#3) | ||
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Subject: TV Guide's Flick Chick Is this you: www.tvguide.com/movies/flickchick/? There's no bio in formation and no mention of your site -- just a girl calling herself the flick chick. If it's not you then you may want to let them know that you are, in fact, the flick chick. I respond: I wish that were me, if only for the paycheck. There's lots of flick chicks, alas, like the gal at FlickChick.com.
Subject: Your Scooby Doo "storylines" I just wanted to let you know that your three Scooby Doo story board parodies (or whatever they would be called), were completely hilarious. Thank you for the laughs!!! Keep up the good work.
Subject: The Alamo Review My review of your review is horrible. I'm a Texan who works about 5 blocks from the Alamo. Despite that, I don't have any real sense of personal investment in the Alamo story. I don't plan to go see it at the theatre, though I might rent it sometime if there's nothing else that piques my interest. The Alamo thing has never much interested me. I always thought it weird that we Texans celebrate such a tremendous defeat. And the premise of it all was that we were seizing land that wasn't ours. But my problem with your review is that you spent half the review talking about how you're not from Texas and don't know shit from shinola about the state (that's one of those Texas aphorisms--shinola being dark shoe polish) about Texas. Why do we care that you've only been to DFW airport twice? And what's that got to do with whether or not we should see the film? You talk about an "East Texas june bug on an armadillo," and then say you have no idea what that is. Is your take on good writing that you throw a bunch of colloquial-sounding phrases onto the old word processor, and then post them? It's good that you know Lyle Lovett and the Lounge Lizards--Texas offers you lots worse than that. But really, what you've done with your review is to actually add another character to the movie: your ignorance of Texas. Before you dismiss the notion, let me point out that you bring up every last thing you know about Texas--which isn't much--more than you speak of anything else in the film. There is a self-consciousness to the review that's really wacked out. You'd never write a review like this about something that happened in Iowa or Nevada or California or Tennessee. What I'm saying is that it happened in Texas means that you completely tailored your review towards your distaste for the state. Which has nothing to do with the film. Offered not-so-humbly... I respond: I was just trying to find a reason beyond the badness of the film for my not liking it -- I was putting much of the onus of my nonenjoyment of the film on my shoulders, not on that of the film. That's all. I didn't mean to imply a distaste for Texas -- like I said, I've hardly been there enough to form any kind of opinion about it. Sorry if that offended you. The reader responds: You didn't offend me. Honest. The whole Alamo thing doesn't really reasonate with me. But I think you did what a lot of folks from elsewhere do: you latch onto the bizarreness, tackyness, bravado, the spectre of Texas as a thing in and of itself. Which is okay... but you treat it as a curiosity... or a freak cousin, or (as I suggested) an additional character in the movie. Which didn't really say anything about the movie or its merits or lack of them. I didn't quite remember from your review that you thought it was so bad. I don't know if you didn't make that clear or if I so focused on your words about Texas that I missed the upshot. Look, you're a writer and you'll do what you'll do despite whatever the heck I've got to say about it. But I hope I've given you something at least to think about. I respond: I did discuss the movies merits, and lack thereof. If you're looking for reviews where everything is clearly spelled out in bland and boring terms, there certainly are hundreds of other critics to choose from.
Subject: Yee-haw Texas. The statue you mention in your Alamo review, the one you've never seen or heard of but just know exists somewhere, is in Hermann Park in Houston. Coupla pix: and But the one we Texans are really proud of is in Huntsville: Keep up the good work. I respond: The first one, the one on the horse, is closer to the image in the film, but the horse should be rearing, dammit! Thanks for pointing these out to me.
Subject: sam houston statue "But I'd bet good money anyway that there's a statue -- maybe in Houston, maybe in San Antonio -- of Sam Houston on a rearing horse with his sword drawn and held high in the air, looking all inspiring and ready for battle and just about to yell 'Remember the Alamo!'" You got that right. It's in Hermann Park, a couple of miles southwest of downtown Houston.
Subject: Your Review Of "The Passion Of the Christ" Dear M(r)s.Johanson, Yes, another letter about your review. I'm not going to argue about religion because I'm neither Christian, athiest, or know about religion enough to argue well about it. This is about the review itself. I thought your review was extremely biased, and should not be so. If you had given a review saying, "This movie was too gory and will only be appreciated by extremely religious people,though I don't think it's anti-semite," except longer, that would be fine with me. But the whole review seemed to be more about you being angry at it's hype and about how stupid you think Christianity is then about how the actual MOVIE is. I'm not saying it's bad to say your feelings on Christianity, go right ahead, but you could say it in a way that's more respectful. However, I did like the part about anti-semitism, that I agreed with and it wasn't so biased. For me, it wasn't that the Jews that killed Jesus because for some reason all Jews hate him, it's just that who else was going to kill him? Correct me if I'm wrong but Jesus was killed in Jerusalem, which meant that that the inhabitants of Jerusalem (the majority of whom were Jewish) killed him. Is that confusing? I respond: *Every* critic is biased. I don't pretend not to be. And for you to say that a statement like "This movie was too gory" does not indicate a bias suggests that you believe, as many people seem to do, that a bias is only wrong or bad when it disagrees with your own biases. I'm no more "respectful" to Christianity than I am to any other body of ideas that is, on its face, irrational and illogical and nonsensical and not worthy of respect.
Subject: Comments on Passion of the Christ revew by a casual reader It's clear that you're a gifted writer with an original style and insightful analysis. But why the hate and vitriol leveled at the "jesus freaks"? I thought you would be above those kinds of thinly-veiled insults. Anyway, I'm sure I'll continue to read your reviews, but you should maybe take some time to browse through some Christian works and better acquaint yourself with their doctrine. They're all not as crazy as you might believe. I recommend you read Mere Christianity by the peerless C.S. Lewis or More Than a Carpenter by Josh McDowell. These are excellent sources to learn more about the Christian faith. I'm not a Christian myself and I'm not trying to "convert" you. I'm just extending an olive branch of peace to remind you that maybe you should reevaluate your sense of these so-called Jesus Freaks. I hope you accept my advice. You're a great writer. I wish you well. I respond: Were my insults "thinly veiled"? I shall have to endeavor harder next time not to veil them at all. If it's not crazy to believe that an invisible superhero who lives in the sky cares who you sleep with, then the word "crazy" has no meaning.
Subject: the Passion I read your review of the Passion. I was appalled at how irreverent and disrespectful it was to religion and this great film!! Wait, did I say "appalled"? I meant "delighted." And did I say "great" film? Sorry that was also a typo. I think I meant to type "long." I LOVE your site!! I am a total newcomer to it, having just learned of this past Wednesday (4/7/04). I have been missing out. I came across it through ravingatheist.com. I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said about Mel's flick. Then I noticed some of the other movies you reviewed: Dawn of the Dead in particular. I figured we agreed on the Passion because of our shared atheistic outlook. I was sure you would not like Dawn, a film that I loved, and which affected me much more than the Passion. To my surprise you liked it as well! And for the same reasons I did! (I was also stunned to learn that you were a girl and still liked it, but only because I can be rather closed-minded and sexist and because my girlfriend INSISTS that this is an awful movie, despite never having seen it and a complete unwillingness to see it. Sorry to have misjudged you and your gender as a whole!). Surely this was a fluke; I had better check out old reviews to see how you got those ones wrong...
-Caddyshack: check, you got that one right. At this point, I think I have found THE movie review site for me. The only other reviewers I like are Mike Nelson (MST3K, and his book Movie Megacheese), and the few-and-far-between reviews at badastronomy.com (being a science nerd makes it SOOO hard to like most movies with even the slightest hint of science in it!) Thank you for the site, I will definitely be returning from now on... I respond: If your girlfriend is psychic enough to KNOW that a movie is awful without having seen it, you should demand she give you next week's Lotto numbers. And if she doesn't, I say dump her and get a cool girlfriend who will go to *Dawn of the Dead* with you.
Subject: harmless flattery My new favorite movie reviewer! You rock! [letter removed at the request of the letter writer]
Subject: dogville Just saw Dogville. >The actors mime opening and closing doors, petting the dog Moses, and I'm like What. The. Hell. Nice. >Wasn't Thornton Wilder all the Thornton Wilder we needed? Really nice! I agree with your review until the last half hour or less. I loved it unitl then. I think Kidman is fabulous -- as always. But once Caan shows up, it comes apart. The dialogue in the car is not believable in the way that the extremely contrived preceding film is nonetheless very believable. More significantly, I think the film appears to be universal UNTIL dad shows up. Then -- I fear it does indeed become anti-American, and viciously and insultingly and un-insightfully so. (And I'm no jingoistic knee-jerk patriot.) But the ending undercuts the entire moral premise of the film, and, I believe, explicitly and intentionally anti-American. And senseless.
Subject: I Like you a Elijah wood I want to go out with you if you want to I want to meet you frist I respond: That's sweet. But I'm not Elijah Wood.
Subject: "I get more email than I can possibly respond to" Oh yeah? From who? Your family? They must be quite nosy and intrusive. There's no freakin' way your dinky little web site generates more email than you can possibly respond to. Just an absurd assertion from a raggedy ass writer wannabe who took an HTML class, ponied up for a cute domain name and now spouts off on movies when she's not rattling a tin cup in the faces of strangers and begging for change. I guess it's nice for you that you think people care about your opinions on movies. But you write with all the subtlety and intelligence of an infant, so it's a good thing your web site is free. As for all that email that you can't possibly respond to, here's a tip: Download a spam-blocker. That should clear your problem right up. I respond: You're sweet. Thanks for writing.
Subject: THANKS! Just wanted to add my name to the list of people that are grateful you write these reviews and are kind enough to share ( I understand the catch...I got you covered girl, with what I can anyway). [Cristina donated $10 via PayPal--maj] Movie watching is a sport you can get hurt at, you have to do your homework or you can suddenly find yourself suffering through a cliché ridden, intelligence insulting piece of work. And when you escape, you limp out, feeling a little abused and with no way to retaliate. I just hate that feeling. That's when you come in and give us the edge. The confidence we need to get right back up and try again. You put yourself out there, examine the field and come back with a plan...what should we avoid...when is it safe to just go wherever the wonderful journey may take us. You are truly a brave soul! Not to mention you are just hilarious!!! I respond: Aw, shucks. *blush* Thanks.
Subject: nice website I have been a fan of your reviews for a while now. A gusher, actually. This time I thought you might want some feedback on your site, since I've recently read that you keep it up yourself. I love the sleek simplicity of it. Most movie sites are crowded and confused looking or text-only boring. Yours is urbane, yet colorful. Very New York. (That's a compliment.) I also find your site user friendly, easy to browse, easy to read. Good fonts. I love the bias meter. The visual cues pull me right in. I love the changing background colors -- adds a sense of anticipation ... "When is she going to change the color?" "Oh, she changed the color, I'd better check it out...." I only wish more people tipped you generously so you could spend your time writing more reviews. We depend on you for that breath of fresh air. Thanks.
Subject: American Graffiti I just read an old review of yours on American Graffiti where you stated "If there's a character that's a stand-in for Lucas, I suspect it's Terry Fields, aka Toad (Charles Martin Smith), the dork picked on by everybody" I am aware that this is an old review, but, being the Lucas fan that i am, I'm obligated to tell you that Lucas spent his youth building, driving and racing hot-rod's and derby type sports cars. In fact he was nearly killed when i rolled one around a hairpin into a tree. The character who is most a representation of Lucas, despite appearences, is probably most arguably John Milner (Although the namesake was taken and modified from another person, a name i currently forget, whom Lucas was associated with.) Thanks for taking a moment and considering. I respond: I'm no expert on Lucas, so I'll have to take your word for it.
Subject: The Punisher I hate to sound like such a fanboy, but your review of "The Punisher" is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. Of course, it also makes me realize that I think this one can wait till it's on HBO or something. I did want to thank you for brightening my day. I respond: You're welcome. :-) 06.09.04 |
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