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rare female film critic | by maryann johanson

win a prize pack from the new film ‘The Wicker Man’ (now closed)

NOW CLOSED. WINNER: Ted. RUNNERS-UP: Andrew, Pam, and Amy. Click through for the winning captions.

WIN: a prize pack consisting of a poster and a hat from the new flick The Wicker Man; three runners-up each will win a poster

HOW: write a funny caption for an image from the movie

THE RULES: If you have not won a prize in one of my caption contests or gimme giveaways in 2006*, and you have a United States mailing address, you’re eligible to win. If one or both of those rules exclude you but you’re moved by the muse of comedy, feel free to send me a caption anyway — you might get an honorable mention… but let me know you’re entering only for fun. (*Micropatrons who’ve snagged some exclusive micropatron goodies are eligible to win one of these prizes.)

Oh, two more simple rules: 1) Be clever, be original, make me giggle. 2) One entry per person.
The new horror flick The Wicker Man, starring Nicolas Cage, opens today, and to celebrate, I’ve got a prize pack — consisting of a poster and a hat — as well as three additional posters, to give away, courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures. Here’s the scoop on the movie, from Warner:

Out patrolling a California highway, police officer Edward Malus stops a station wagon to return a little girl’s lost doll. Moments later, a runaway truck slams into the station wagon, igniting it into a fiery wreck with the mother and child trapped inside. Edwards fails to save them before the car explodes–and then spends months of his life choking down pills to get the image of their faces out of his head. But Edward is about to get a second chance. A desperate letter from his former fiancée, Willow, arrives at his home with no postmark. Willow came into his life and left just as unexpectedly years before. But now, her daughter Rowan has gone missing, and Edward is the only person she trusts to help relocate her. She asks him to come to her home on a private island–Summersisle–a place with its own traditions where people observe a forgotten way of life. Edward seizes the opportunity to make his life right again, and soon finds himself on a seaplane bound for the islands of the Pacific Northwest. But nothing is what it seems on isolated Summersisle, where a culture, dominated by its matriarch Sister Summersisle, is bound together by arcane traditions and a pagan festival known as “the Day of Death and Rebirth.” The secretive people of Summersisle only ridicule his investigation, insisting that a child named Rowan never existed there–or if she ever did was no longer alive. But what Edward doesn’t know is that Willow’s plea for help has invited more into his life than a chance for redemption. In unraveling Summersisle’s closely held secrets, Edward is drawn into a web of ancient traditions and murderous deceit, and each step he takes closer to the lost child brings him one step closer to the unspeakable. And one step closer to The Wicker Man.

My review of the film is here.

Visit the movie’s official site.

To enter to win, send a funny caption for this still from The Wicker Man:

Ted’s winning caption: “Wow. These mini-golf obstacles get more treacherous every year!”

Runner-up Andrew’s caption: “After twenty years, I’ve finally finished my stick-man. I want to look at it close-up with my magnifying glass. Oh no, no, nooooooooooo”

Runner-up Pam’s caption: “I smoked but did not inhale.”

Runner-up Amy’s caption: “Sneak peek at the new Transformers movie!”

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