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part of a small rebellion | by maryann johanson

my charming readers

UPDATED: Somehow, the wonderful comments (see below) are making me think of this:

I got the most delightful email from a reader in response to my post about Transformers and how I’m guessing I might not hate it like I typically hate Michael Bay’s movies.

Since this reader chose not to post this in comments for some reason, I will preserve his/her anonymity:

You are so fucking dumb, get your facts straight before talking shit about something like Transformers movie.

The movie will own regardless of Bay’s involvement, Bay is good at action.
I don’t like all his movies but he can do very good action. As for the story, the man (Bay) didn’t write the damn script. Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman and John Rogers were the ones who wrote the script just for your fucking information.
the Transformers aren’t plain robots, they are ADVANCED ALIEN robots with actual personalities
and emotions in the new movie. They are not made by humans, how do I know??? Because I am a fucking fan of Transformers and have been for pretty close to some 20 years.
It is funny how you insult the names they have, what do you fucking expect since they are from a different planet you silly Woman. Do you know how dumb it would sound for a Transformers to have a human name like Mike???


Geez, indeed. And when I responded with one word — “charming” — I received this response:

If you didn’t take cheap shots at my favorite fictional characters I wouldn’t have been so pissed off at you in the first place. Wait to go to not get hate mail directed to you. YOU FAIL,

And people say geeks aren’t socialized.

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  • Nathan

    I could have sworn I owned the “Mike” transformer when I was a kid.

  • MaryAnn

    I’m thinking maybe I should change the subtitle of the site to “cinematic musings by a silly Woman.”

  • I don’t think he used enough profanity. That’s why you didn’t immediately convert to his viewpoint.

  • How about “cinematic musings by a silly Woman just for your fucking information”?

    The “fucking” gives it that touch of class.

  • JoshDM

    Why’d you have to go and post my e-mails, Snarky?


  • David C

    No, no, the Failure to use enough Capitalization was the real key. Evidently YOU are just another silly Woman, and BIAST on TOP of that or You would know These things. YOU FAIL, MWHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHA.

  • David, you are of course correct, because you are a man.

  • JoshDM

    David could totally be a chick named David.


  • The anonymous ranter mentioned above needs to read and understand the following immortal words of wisdom…

    You know, before I answer any more questions there’s something I wanted to say. Having received all your letters over the years, and I’ve spoken to many of you, and some of you have traveled… y’know… hundreds of miles to be here, I’d just like to say… GET A LIFE, will you people? I mean, for crying out loud, it’s just a TV show! I mean, look at you, look at the way you’re dressed! You’ve turned an enjoyable little job, that I did as a lark for a few years, into a COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME!

    Dude, they’re Transformers. Chill. We all know they’re alien robots. It was a mildly fun TV show, and the toys were pretty ingeniously designed, but it’s nothing to give yourself an aneurysm over.

  • It’s classy E-mails like that that make me so glad I’m not a “Transformers” fan. Not that there’s anything wrong with–oh, never mind.

  • Ryan

    The writer of that e-mail sounds and spells like they are about twelve years old…I wouldn’t take it TOO personally :)

  • MaryAnn

    No? Okay, I’ll take my head out of the oven now. :->

  • Phil Urich

    Yeah, I wouldn’t blame his lack of socialization on being a geek; sounds like he just hasn’t lived long enough in the world, plain and simple. Give him time, I’m sure he’ll be quite pleasant once he’s gone through 5th grade.

    And if you were going to commit suicide, you should make sure it’s in a way that pays homage to something, kind of a final act as a critic/aspiring-screenwriter.

  • Drave

    I hope this doesn’t shatter whatever image of me (if any) you have in your mind after our several years of periodic exchanges, but I am somewhat of a Transformers geek. While I agree that the original show existed purely to sell toys, there is a reason it has survived the cyclical slings and undulating arrows of pop culture for as long as it has. Well, two reasons.

    A) Simple, relatable, archetypal characters. Each of the main characters can be boiled down to a single societal role, or, more commonly, a basic personality trait. This is something I’ve noticed about a lot of shows I used to like as a child, and something that isn’t as common in American animation as it used to be. At least in my opinion. Which is why I don’t think any of the current crop of Saturday morning cartoons are going to be all that fondly remembered in twenty years. I could be wrong.

    B) The pleasure of recognizing the real-world vehicles in the robot designs. The entire fun of them was looking at them and trying to figure out how the two forms were connected. You’d look at one and say “Oh, that chest piece is the hood, and that shoulder is the wheel well, and that shield is a hub cap,” etc. There is just something inherently charming about seeing something you recognize used to make something else that is new and cool. Plus, there was always the added bonus of actually getting one of the toys and being able to make the transformation yourself.

    I have mixed feelings about Michael Bay. I don’t think he is an abomination unto the film gods, or anything, but I don’t think he has any talent beyond loud, stupid mayhem, and I don’t think he has any understanding of either of these two elements that are required for making a universally enjoyable Transformers movie. I’m sure it will be a huge success, but it won’t sit right with a heck of a lot of geeks; not because it deviates from the most well-known source material, but because it lacks the spirit of the original. As Prisoner of Azkaban taught us, the spirit is far more important than the letter.

    I’m sure this was way more than you wanted to read about the Transformers. *laughs* As for the movie, I’m going to say I am morbidly curious in a car-wreck kind of way, and I will probably see it, although not on opening weekend. Frankly, I don’t think Michael Bay needs any more encouragement from me.

  • MaryAnn

    kind of a final act as a critic/aspiring-screenwriter.

    Facedown in a swimming pool in Hollywood, perhaps? :->

  • Tom

    Jesus Herman Christ

  • I’m also a Transformers geek, and I’ve run into these kinds of trolls at places like BotCon and Transformers forums. Every group has to have the loud idiots that make the rest of the group look bad. Nice to know you have fellow TF-geek fans like Drave who can express themselves intelligently, even if it’s hard to talk about the subject w/o looking especially dorky. *grin*

  • Drave

    I take no shame in looking especially dorky. I am especially dorky.

  • I think it was a good thing to reveal this Transformer fan email. If someone wants to take out their frustrations in life by finding targets and sending them emails that get personally insulting and R-rated, they should be ready to have the world view their words.

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