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cultural vandal | by maryann johanson

‘The Two Coreys’ is a joke, right?

I’d vaguely heard about A&E’s “reality” series The Two Coreys last year, and if I thought about it at all, it was to be reminded of a bit from an old episode of The Simpsons, in which Homer brings home some teen magazines for a bedridden and bored Lisa, and he’s obviously been unable to not look through them: “How many of these guys are named Corey?” he asks his daughter. “Five,” she responds dreamily.

These two are not so dreamy these days: Corey Feldman and Corey Haim, best pals whose longtime friendship apparently fell apart in Season One of The Two Coreys. Now, we’re told, these two angry, bitter men are trying to mend it, and we’re about to get a “no-holds-barred,” “cinema verite” ringside seat at an interpersonal sideshow in which “nothing they say or do is off-limits to the cameras.” That’s right: Season Two debuts on A&E on Sunday, June 22, at 10pm Eastern.
I had a chance to peek at the first two episodes, and this is either one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen, or else it’s trying be to funny and failing miserably. I’d like to think it’s all a joke, a giant put-on parody of bare-all celebrity confessionals (even if extending the word celebrity to the Coreys is a bit of a stretch) that goes all out in an attempt to see what, if anything, is a step too far. I wouldn’t find it funny, but I’d like to think it’s a joke because if it’s all for real, then this couldn’t be more pathetic. For then it means that these two guys genuinely are so deep in pain with themselves and with each other that they’re going to couples’ therapy in order to get past years of confusion and misunderstanding and betrayal, some of which stems from sexual abuse they apparently both endured as teenagers… and they’re doing it all out in public. Worse, if this is real, then they’re pimping their own pain as a way to keep their has-been selves in some kind of spotlight. And that would be way more wretched than anything Britney Spears has ever done.

I realize that flaying oneself on national television is meant to be a fun time for all these days, but I don’t get it. Someone please tell me The Two Coreys is just a big scam to drum up advance word on The Lost Boys 2. Please.

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