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die hard is a xmas movie | by maryann johanson

trailer break: ‘Hannah Montana: The Movie’

Take a break from work: watch a trailer…


I thought, Wasn’t there a Hannah Montana movie last year? There was, and even though it was just a concert movie, it made 31-freakin’-million dollars over its opening weekend. And it was in only 683 theaters, which figures to a per-screen average of a phenomenal $45,561. Which is why we’re now getting another Hannah Montana movie, a maybe-faux-maybe-not “reality” behind-the-scenes look at how Miley Cyrus copes with being Hannah Montana.

The obvious next step in the progression will be a serious drama about how “Miley Cyrus” (Dakota Fanning) — real name, Betty Boop Tiffany Madison Johnson, ironically from Johnson City, Tennessee, and who has, up till now, only been pretending to be the daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus (real name: Billy Ray Billy Bob Johnson, no relation, of Peanut Grove, Georgia) — copes with being Miley Cyrus.

Heh: Girls fighting over shoes? High-larry-us. Girls are so dumb, they’re cute.

Heh: Tennessee is backwards. High-larry-us. Hicks is so dumb, they’re, uh, so dumb.

Heh: Chickens is funny.

OMG, OMG, OMG! I just thought! If the total adorableness of Miley Cyrus could be mated to the total adorableness of Zac Efron, would the world like totally explode from an overdose of adorableness? I bet it would!

*sigh*

Hannah Montana: The Movie opens in the U.S. on April 10, and in the U.K. on May 1.



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