A story on AlterNet this week ran down “The 6 Weirdest, Scariest Processed Foods,” and it is indeed a litany of horrors. It begins:
Once upon a time, some brave scientists had a noble dream of ridding our food of the plague of nutrients.
Today, at the start of the 21st century, the miracle of food processing has brought that dream closer to reality than ever before. From vitamin-free “blueberry bits” to spray-can cheese to avocado-free guacamole, food scientists have worked tirelessly to bring us new and exciting foods that contain as little nutrition as possible. Even apparently “healthy” foods such as soups have been ingeniously overloaded with so much salt you feel as if you’re eating French fries.
In this article, we’ll provide a handy guide to six uniquely unnatural processed foods that will hopefully serve as a blueprint for humanity’s eventual triumph over the tyrannical fist of Mother Nature.
And then it gets worse from there.
I personally think, however, that author Brad Reed could have tried a lot harder to find scary foods. I mean, too much salt makes condensed soups one of the more disgusting foods ever? That seems like a relatively minor culinary crime next to, for instance, what might be my scariest food: Cool Whip. Man, that stuff is disgusting.
Macaroni and cheese that comes in a box is pretty gross, too. Powdered cheese in an envelope? That’s easily as bad as liquid cheese in a can.
What fake food scares you the most? And more importantly, perhaps: Do you eat it anyway?
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