tonight on Syfy: ‘Stonehenge Apocalypse’

So I get this screener in the mail the other day, and it’s for a Syfy Original movie called Stonehenge Apocalypse. I laughed out loud like a loon when I saw the title printed on the DVD. I thought: How can I not watch this movie? I’ve been to Stonehengetwice! — and of course I was desperate to see just how wrong this movie would get it.

Now, we all know just how terrible Syfy Original movies are. This one is worse. And not just because it tries to fool us into thinking that some bad-CGI standing stones in the middle of the mountains and evergreen trees of British Columbia is the ancient monument that sits on Salisbury Plain. (Besides the lack of mountains in Salisbury, there are also some very busy roads right there next to Stonehenge: it’s not in the middle of nowhere.) And not just because the production didn’t even try to pretend they were really in England (all the cars in the movie are lefthand drive; all the fake accents are terrible). Because it involves such ridiculous notions about ancient monuments — not just Stonehenge but also a bunch of pyramids around the world, including one in (*snort*) Maine — that Erich Von Daniken — you know, chariots of the gods, ancient astronauts — would be like, “Dudes, c’mon, this is absurd.”

If you want to see just how hilariously awful Stonehenge Apocalypse is — or maybe if you just want to see how awful people like Stargate Atlantis’s Torri Higginson, Supernatural’s Misha Collins, and cheesy-TV-meister Peter Wingfield can be — it debuts on Syfy tonight at 9pm Eastern.

If you’re tempted to post a comment that resembles anything on the film review comment bingo card, please reconsider.
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