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precarious since 1997 | by maryann johanson

the oh-no! DVD of the week: ‘The Fantastic World: Molly Pickens and the Rainy Day Castle: Unlock the Mysteries of Jesus’

There are many reasons to oh-no on this DVD, and they begin with the hideous design of the cover art, which I can’t even bear to shrink down, it’s so hideously glorious:

You’d think the Almighty would have better design sense. Like maybe an intelligent design sense. But I kid the Omniscient Master of the Universe.

The oh-no-ness continues, courtesy of The Fantastic World, and boy does it irk me that they’ve got that domain name:

After a mysterious box transports young Molly Pickens to the Fantastic World, she learns she is the last hope for the fading land. The wise Box Maker knows that only a love like Jesus’ can save his beloved home from the clutches of Rainy Day, the not-so-kind ruler who seeks to end happiness in not only the Fantastic World, but in Molly’s world as well. The Box Maker teams Molly up with a crazy cast of unforgettable characters, including the always hilarious and unpredictable Bill and Charles Peterson, an ill-tempered but lovable plant named Cranky Cactus, and Mr. Face, a silly clock that never knows the time. Molly’s new friends will teach her what it means to love like Jesus and help her save the Fantastic World.

So, when it rains, it means Jesus has abandoned humanity?

Since you asked, yes, there is video:

Did you notice: The bad guy who is out to destroy the world “isn’t any worse than [her] grammar teacher.” I’m not sure if that’s more insulting to God or to teachers.

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