Conan the Barbarian (review)

Conan the Barbarian

More Like Conan the Bore-barian

Born on a battlefield! Blood blood blood! Bone crunching! Burn burn burn! In 3D!
Is that Morgan Freeman narrating? WTF?

Brutality! Beheading beheading beheading! The boy ain’t right! In 3D!

Ancient bloodline! Black magic! Bone mask! Half-bald witch babe! Blood blood blood! Burn burn burn!

“Hello. My name is Conan the Barbarian. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

Bulging biceps! Biceps biceps biceps! Bouncing boobies! Boobies boobies boobies!

Man, who’da thunk we’d look back on The Scorpion King and realize it was actually a masterpiece?

Blood blood blood! Blade on blade! Blowup! Burn burn burn! Bone crunch! Brutality! Horse punching! Blood blood blood! In 3D!

Barbarian beefcake! Boning on a boulder bed! Barbarian buns!

“You’re that little barbarian brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago…”

Battle boom! Bollocks grab! Babe-on-babe combat!

Boring! In 3D!

If you’re tempted to post a comment that resembles anything on the film review comment bingo card, please reconsider.
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