Much is being made of the inexplicableness of so many major major movie stars appearing in the execrable Movie 43. Peter Howell in the Toronto Star calls it “the biggest waste of talent in cinema history.” David Edelstein at Vulture wonders:
Were These Actors Blackmailed to Appear in This Raunchy Fiasco?
…
Was someone holding Kate Winslet’s children hostage? Threatening to release compromising pictures of Emma Stone? Did Richard Gere or Hugh Jackman have gambling debts?
And it’s true that these are pressing questions that demand answers. But it’s merely the sheer number of incomprehensible movie-star appearances in a single film that distinguish it. Hollywood is littered with big names in terrible films that leave you in awe of how such a thing could have happened. Such as Al Pacino forced to romance Adam Sandler’s drag Jill in Jack and Jill. How did that happen?
What’s the most inexplicable appearance by a big star in a crappy movie? And if you think you know why he or she ended up with such an awful job, feel free to share…
(If you have a suggestion for a QOTD, feel free to email me. Responses to this QOTD sent by email will be ignored; please post your responses here.)
When it’s one star appearing in a no-budget thing as a favour to a friend, that seems fair enough. When there’s clearly some serious money involved, and yet one’s first reaction to the concept is “what were they thinking”… Gigli, for example.
The one that was most egregious to me, though, was Jurgen Prochnow in Wing Commander. Not so much that he’s a huge star, but when they started being very very quiet so as not to be depth-charged… in the space-going aircraft carrier… his expression was priceless.
To be fair (sort of…), I am almost positive that Chris Roberts’ entire purpose in casting Prochnow was so he could have that scene in the movie.
Fortunately Roberts is now back to making computer games, which is probably best for everyone.
You may well be right, but Prochnow certainly looked like a man who was wondering where his career had gone wrong.
Anthony Hopkins, Brigid Fonda, Matthew Broderick, and John Cusack in The Road to Wellville. After leaving at the end of the film, I turned to my mother and apologized for taking her to see it. It was just so bad that I hate to give any one person blame for the film overall, but Hopkins chewing the scenery as John Kellogg was probably the worst of the bunch.
I think, though, there are two kinds of bad. Some movies must look like they have potential when the actors join the project. I suspect that the case of movies like The Road to Wellville. Then there are movies like Movie 43, Jack and Jill, Battleship (or going back a few decades, the silly disaster films folks like Richard Burton wound up in) that are clearly schlock from the get go.
I’d also add that The Road to Wellville was based on a brilliant novel from a well-respected novelist, so it initially had that going for it, as well.
A movie that looked like a good idea on paper – a biography of the eccentric man who invented breakfast cereals – that seemed to have gotten f-cked up in post-production.
Julianne Moore as a horny clown woman in The Ladies Man. Oh…kay.
Ben Kingsley. Bloodrayne.
Or possibly Orson Wells the the 80’s Transformer’s movie.
Oh, come on. Orson Welles was friggin’ EPIC as Unicron.
Unicron: “I will provide you with a ship, a new body, and new troops to command.”
Megatron: “And?”
Unicron: “And NOTHING. You belong to me now.”
Megatron: “I belong to NOBODY!”
Unicron: “Perhaps, I misjudged you. Proceed on your way to oblivion…”
^^The above exchange had more dramatic gravitas than all three of Michael Bays Transformers flicks put together…and a lot of it thanks to the fine voicework of the creator of Citizen Kane.
You, Sir, are my new best friend.
I don’t blame Ben wanting to do Bloodrayne. He said he wanted to play a vampire character so he had a personal motivation to show up.
Sean Connery in… well, a lot of things actually, but Highlander, Zardoz and The Avengers come to mind first.
Don’t insult Highlander! That movie made kilts cool again!
But I totally agree with you about Zardoz. I blame The Seventies for that pile of WTF.
Yeah, but Connery’s still way behind Michael Caine in that sort of competition. Especially as you only mention Highlander because you’ve seen the sequel and it has demolished the first film in your memory (I was instructed, on pain of death, not to watch the second movie, and as a result I still remember Highlander as a really good movie of its kind).
Caine in Jaws 3D is but one example of many. Yet they aren’t inexplicable, as Caine’s own quip about not seeing the movie, but having seen the house it built reveals.
Hey, guys, don’t get me wrong. I LOVE Highlander. I’ve seen it dozens of times. I’ve memorized the dialog. Last time I watched it was within 6 months ago. I own ot on DVD and VHS.
But I wouldn’t call it a good movie. Rather, it’s a very rare brand of ’80s cheese, one which has proven impossible to duplicate. And Connery’s appearance as an ancient Egyptian by way of Spain sporting a much better Scottish brogue than the title character is pretty inexplicable.
Sorry: I got confused by the words: “What’s the most inexplicable appearance by a big star in a crappy movie?” which gave me the impression you were saying that Highlander was a crappy movie. But yes, his character in the film is inexplicable, and that’s part of the charm!
Jennifer Connelly and Winona Ryder in The Dilemma. That Vaughn was in it was no surprise. That two actresses I deeply respect was in that garbage hurt me. HURT ME, damn you.
Other reasons why Highlander (well, the original one) is way better than people think:
1) It respects holy ground.
2) Clancy Brown = badass.
3) It teaches us that, in the end, you should never lose your head.
He needs this on a business card. He should introduce himself this way: “Hi there. Clancy Brown, Badass.”
I would say Judi Dench in The Chronicles of Riddick, but she’s explained why she signed up for that movie. In a masterclass of hers I attended, she revealed that it was because she liked Vin Diesel’s arms!
I sort of like the Chronicles of Riddick because of the Shakespearean tragedy plot.
Dame Dench is a certified Dungeon Master (D&D) in real life. Vin kept pestering her during filming to get a game going.
Oh. My. God.
The only thing I can think of more epic than having Judi Dench DM’ing a game would be having Christopher Lee as DM.
According to her at that same night, she did DM a game while they were filming!
She DID?! (dies happy)
Bea Arthur in the Star Wars Christmas Special?
That never happened. There’s no evidence of anything like the Star Wars Holiday Special. Ever. EVER! Do you HEAR ME?! (curls up in fetal position) (cries)
Christopher Lee in Attack of the Clones…
Clancy Brown is part of the family that owns Brown Publishing out of Ohio. Can you imagine being that guy’s secretary? “Ms. Johansen, I said MORE CREAM in my coffee!”
(just joshing. he’s supposed to be real pleasant and fun to work with… but you’ll notice the people saying that are darting their eyes and have this little tremor in their voices…)
You will now read the rest of the thread in Clancy Brown’s Voice. Happy Halloween, ladies! Medic!!
I think we’ve all seen Christopher Walken in a crappy movie and we don’t understand why he took that part.
Poor Zendaya, having to star in Disney’s Zapped…