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cultural vandal | by maryann johanson

Doctor Who thing: audition scripts for would-be 12th Doctors


How will actors auditioning for the role of the 12th Doctor do it? With this script (via the print-only Doctor Who Magazine via DoctorWho.tv):

INT. TARDIS [The new Doctor is checking out the new body. Clara, watching. It’s been a few minutes, they’re both still adjusting.]

THE DOCTOR: Right then, eyesight. Not bad, bit blue. Ears – not pointy, right way up, more or less level. Face – well I’ve got one. Oh, no – French!

CLARA: French.

THE DOCTOR: I’ve deleted French! Plus all cookery skills, and the breast stroke. And hopping. Never mind hopping, who needs to hop. Ohh, the kidneys are interesting. Never had that before – interesting kidneys.

CLARA: Are you all right?

THE DOCTOR: I don’t know, do I look all right?

CLARA: I don’t know.

THE DOCTOR: How’s the face? Seems all right from the inside. Nice action, responsive. Bit less heft on the chin. How is it?

CLARA: It’s… okay.


CLARA: It’s a bit… you know.

THE DOCTOR: No I don’t, I haven’t seen it yet.

CLARA: Maybe it’s just new.

THE DOCTOR: Have you changed height?


THE DOCTOR: You sure?

CLARA: It’s you, your height, you’re the one who’s changed.

THE DOCTOR: And look at your nose.

CLARA: What about my nose?

THE DOCTOR: It was really cute, I loved your nose, you should’ve kept it.

CLARA: I did, it’s the same nose, it’s the same all of me. You’re the one who’s… regenerated, whatever you call it.

THE DOCTOR: Are you wearing a smell?

CLARA: Do you mean perfume?

THE DOCTOR: Yes, I suppose it could be perfume.

CLARA: You’ve always liked that perfume, you said so.

THE DOCTOR: No I didn’t, that was the Doctor.

CLARA: You’re the Doctor.

THE DOCTOR: Yes, I suppose I am. That’s going to take a bit of getting used to.

CLARA: Yeah, it really is.

Note Moffat’s trademarked “girls are weird and strange and mysterious” attitude. Nine hundred years of time and space travel, and the Doctor doesn’t know what perfume is?

You know what would be really nice in the new Doctor? If he — and c’mon, there’s no doubt it’ll be a he — were the sort of actor who could exude, even while having to say Moffat’s words, a sense of a man-about-the-universe. I know Doctor Who is supposedly a kids’ show, and that it cannot have actual adult content (except “sexy” women — that’s always appropriate for all ages, apparently). But it can have a central character who evinces sophistication and experience… all sorts of experience. It would be great if we felt like the Doctor knows more than we do about how the universe and all the people in it operate, instead of less.

io9 has another audition scene, with Cybermen. And there’s a third in Doctor Who Magazine, if you can find it in print somewhere.

(If you stumble across a cool Doctor Who thing, feel free to email me with a link.)

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daily doctor | tv buzz

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