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part of a small rebellion | by maryann johanson

three years ago today, I arrived in London

I had no plan. I was just playing it all by ear.

I still am.

I keep waiting for something amazing to happen. I keep trying to make something amazing happen.

Something amazing resolutely refuses to happen.

(The something amazing could be the man of my dreams finally showing up. Or professional success. At this point, I think the latter would be preferrable, and more plausible. How sad is that?)

At what point do you have to start saying “It’s not the world, it’s me”? Cuz I think I’m getting pretty close to that.

It’s ridiculous to be in this place at 40something years of age.

Maybe this year will be better. Though I’ve been saying that for years.


posted in:
maryann buzz
  • Jay Matteo

    I empathize with what you’re saying. A lot. But at least know you’re providing entertaining, thought provoking, top-quality content to people like me. You’ve made my life better (and I’m sure I’m not alone). Thank you for that. And good luck.

  • Bluejay

    Maybe this year will be better. Though I’ve been saying that for years.

    Please keep saying that, because hope is a good thing.

    “And the world that gives us pain
    That fills our lives with fear
    On the day after that
    Will disappear
    And the war we’ve fought to win
    I promise you, we will win
    If not tomorrow,
    Then the day after that
    Or the day after that
    Or the day after that
    Or the day after that
    Or the day after that
    Or the day
    After that!”
    — from Kiss of the Spider Woman

  • Bluejay


  • FormerlyKnownAsBill

    life’s a bitch, then you die. might as well give it a whirl.

  • Lisa

    Over a quarter of young people aged 34 and under live with their parents in this country because they can’t afford their own home. You’re living in a capital city, full of culture, beholden to no-one! (Apart from the landlord). You have your own career going, you are independent, you are healthy, you have your own website with loyal followers, you are doing better at life than many! These are achievements to be proud of! Life is really hard, we always have to keep plugging away at it. Whatever you think, things can always be worse, the ground under your feet could go in a second, so take pleasure where you can, try and find a joy in the small things.

  • RogerBW

    You’re the only film critic I take seriously any more. Ebert’s dead, Berardinelli’s gone distinctly inconsistent of late.

    Sure, I’m a long-term fan. But that’s because I’ve been rewarded for being one.

  • Unfortunately, I’m not independent. Fortunately, I have friends and family who have been generous in their support of me, even when they cannot really afford to be. But this is not a sustainable situation. The ground under my feet is very precarious indeed.

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