I’m “biast” (con): nothing
(what is this about? see my critic’s minifesto)
It is utter animated anarchy as the recipe for the delicious artery-clogging Krabby Patty disappears from Mr. Krab’s vault and the apocalypse descends upon the sleepy underwater burg of Bikini Bottom. If that sounds like marine-flavored word salad to you, maybe something with a bit of seaweed in the mix, you can safely skip The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water. But if the prospect of seeing an angry mob of vaguely aquatic creatures pillaging in Mad Max leather while SpongeBob teams up in the most improbable way with Plankton to get the recipe back and save the town sounds like fun, then this is the movie for you, my landlubber friend. Betrayals and absurdity abound in this odyssey of groan-worthy punning, new ways of defying cartoon physics (and that’s before we even get to the trippy time-travel), epic food fights, dolphins with friggin’ laser beams on their foreheads, and just a wee bit — ahem — of toilet humor, lest you forget this is supposed to be for children, never mind all the grownups in the SpongeBob cult. This is the sort of movie in which Antonio Banderas (The Expendables 3) as a fast food-loving pirate is the villain because he can rewrite the story while it’s in progress to better suit his needs, and in which SpongeBob and his Bikini Bottom pals walk onto land and get transformed into superheroes in order to save the day. What? Of course that could happen. Love love love this. It’s totally hilarious and wonderfully surreal. Or is that sea-real?