Unfinished Business movie review: business trip-up

Unfinished Business red light

Apparently made by snickering 12-year-olds who like naked boobies and have heard rumors about the phenomenon known as “the business trip.”
I’m “biast” (pro): nothing

I’m “biast” (con): the trailer was embarrassing

(what is this about? see my critic’s minifesto)

Unfinished Business is the kind of movie in which a mentally retarded character — whose impairment is offered as a constant source of “hilarity” — is required to recite a line of dialogue such as “The penis touched my face” in a way that, this pathetic excuse for entertainment hopes, will make you laugh. Because the penis did indeed touch his face, and you are, it is presumed, consumed with “American prudishness,” hence you will snicker, just like, in another scene, the retarded character snickers when he sees naked boobies. In a fit of something that the movie deems clever, the naked-boobies scene directly addresses the matter of “American prudishness” in a way apparently intended to send it up, which utterly fails because the movie is itself consumed with “American prudishness.”

It’s like the movie was made by 12-year-olds who’ve just discovered naked boobies. And who have also heard about the phenomenon known as “business trips” and are attempting to imagine what they might be like.

Dan (Vince Vaughn: Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues, The Internship) is an independent scrap-metal salesman going up against his old corporate boss (Sienna Miller: American Sniper, Foxcatcher) in a deal that can make or break his tiny company. Why would Dan employ the unemployable Mike (Dave Franco: 22 Jump Street, Neighbors), the retarded character who shows no signs of the basic competence required to do his very technical job and is unable to follow simple directions? Why would an actor like Tom Wilkinson (Selma, Belle) accept a role as Dan’s only other employee, whose professional qualifications we know nothing about but whose personal quandary — he is married to a woman he does not love — demands he enact a scene with a maid in a hotel that merely watching it made me embarrassed for the actor? I can’t even imagine what it must have been like to shoot it.

Anyway, they all end up in Berlin chasing this deal, because that’s where a crappy movie needs to go in order to plausibly shoehorn in a gay-fetish festival, a unisex sauna, and an antiglobalization protest. If you’re wondering what any of that has to do with Dan’s domestic crisis back home, where his teenage son (Britton Sear) is being bullied, your guess is as good as mine.

This is one of those “Waiter, this soup is terrible, and the portions are too small” movies. I don’t know whom Unfinished Business thinks its audience is, but anyone hoping for the nonstop grossout the trailer promises will be disappointed, and anyone looking for a sentimental family drama will have no idea to look here (which is a sanity saver, in fact, because the sentimental family drama that is here is cringeworthy). One wonders whether the title of the movie doesn’t refer to the movie itself. Did director Ken Scott (Delivery Man, Starbuck) just halfheartedly shoot the first draft of the script (by Steve Conrad: The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, The Pursuit of Happyness) and figure no one would notice? It’s the only plausible explanation. Unless it’s the 12-year-olds.

See also my #WhereAreTheWomen rating of Unfinished Business for its representation of girls and women.

If you’re tempted to post a comment that resembles anything on the film review comment bingo card, please reconsider.
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