I’m “biast” (con): hated the first movie
(what is this about? see my critic’s minifesto)
It’s not so much a movie as a collection of dick jokes and — and this is mildly interesting, in a way psychologically revealing of the creators — rampant homophobia, as if what we’re intended to hear is “Hey! You! Look at my penis! Unless you’re a dude, that would be gross.” Or maybe it’s “My penis is awesome! But not in a gay way!” Wait, I lie: There aren’t any actual jokes in Hot Tub Time Machine 2. Scenes sort of ramble on for long, humor-free minutes, getting nowhere near a joke, or even near the setup for a potential punchline. It’s as if while assembling this, screen“writer” Josh Heald ran away in the other direction if he came anywhere near a something funny, just to assure that there would be no whiff of amusement anywhere near the finished product. (By comparison, the first Hot Tub Time Machine, which was awful, suddenly looks competent.) No, wait, I’m still being unfairly fair to this movie. I doubt it actually had a script at all, and instead simply relied on Rob Corddry (Sex Tape), Craig Robinson (Get on Up), and Clark Duke (Kick-Ass 2) to riff on time-travel movies and TV they may have seen — Back to the Future, Fringe, Doctor Who, The Terminator, and Looper all get name-checked here — in the hopes that your brain, which will be otherwise undiverted by what’s on the screen, will invent an actually fun, cool, exciting, and perhaps even witty story about traveling to the future in order to stop something bad from happening in the past. (John Cusack came to his senses and does not return from the first movie. He is replaced, for his sins, by Adam Scott [They Came Together].) No no, hang on, I’m still making shit up: The “something bad” that happens that needs to be prevented is that Corddry’s colossal asshole Lou gets killed. But that would be a good thing, and doesn’t need fixing. In fact, someone please invent time travel now so we can pop back to the past to prevent Hot Tub Time Machine 2 itself from happening. No, wait: we could eliminate the original HTTM in the first place, and save us all a lot of grief.