I’m “biast” (con): nothing
(what is this about? see my critic’s minifesto)
You have two kids,” says the Saintly Sitcom Wife to her husband. “I have three.” Cue laugh tracks sprinkled with a few awwws: it’s so charming and romantic, ain’t it, when a woman has to mother her husband. And it’s very conducive to nookie, of course. Except it isn’t, and there’s nothing charming or funny about a 40-year-old man — like Perry here — who has never grown up.
Ordinary World — titled Geezer when it debuted at Tribeca Film Festival this past spring, and written and directed by Lee Kirk — may be unique in the cinematic annals of manchildren in that Perry somehow manages to go from overgrown adolescent to midlife crisis without any apparent intervening period of actual adulthood. Perry (Green Day’s Billie Joe Armstrong, making his lead acting debut) used to be in a punk band that looks suspiciously like Green Day, but without the fame and fortune. Now he forgets to put out the bins on garbage night, is unaware of whether the baby he has just been holding needs a diaper change, is late getting the other kid (Madisyn Shipman: The Peanuts Movie) to school, and is generally “adorably” annoying to his wife, Karen (Selma Blair [Hellboy II: The Golden Army, Legally Blonde]… poor, poor Selma Blair), who appears to be supporting on her own the family’s modest Queens lifestyle with her work as a public defender.
That level of immature incompetence is just a normal day for Perry. But today is the big 4-0, and Perry is going to throw himself a wild rock-star sort of party in a fancy hotel in Manhattan, which he can manage because he is momentarily flush from the thousand bucks cash his brother (Chris Messina: Manglehorn, Alex of Venice) has just handed to him, just because, and even though Perry is utterly useless in helping to run the family hardware store (which is ostensibly now his job). It is during this party that the most absurd validation of Perry as the supercool guy he believes he is occurs: an old girlfriend (Judy Greer [Ant-Man, Jurassic World]… poor, poor Judy Greer) from his band days, who has herself somehow managed to grow up and still be rock-’n’-roll awesome, shows up out of nowhere to cuddle him, give him a nice massage, and reassure him that he is totes amazing. (I honestly thought this was a dream sequence, it’s that fantastical. I was flabbergasted to realize that it was being offered to us as something that happens in Perry’s real world.)
After an entire day of shockingly irresponsible behavior that involves multiple fuck-yous to his entire extended family, Perry suddenly decides that putting out the garbage bins and not being horrible to his wife might not be such a bad life after all. And his remarkably tolerant family is once again remarkably forgiving and welcomes him back with little more than gentle grumbling. But I don’t buy a word of it. Next week, Perry is going to forget to put out the garbage bins again, and he is going to remain incredibly adept at pretending that he can’t smell baby shit. Someday soon, Karen will divorce him when she realizes that she’d be better off on her own. And then she’ll only have to raise two children.