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part of a small rebellion | by maryann johanson

film review comment bingo (updated for 2017!)

Reader Danielm80 has updated his film comment bingo card — sourced from only the finest trolls here at FlickFilosopher.com — for 2017. Behold!


Thanks, Daniel!

(Click here for a slightly larger version.)

PREVIOUS: 02.19.15


I’ve been meaning to get around to creating one of these forever, but reader Danielm80 beat me to it. Thank you very much! All hail Danielm80.

Feel free to respond to idiots in comments from now on with a sarcastic, “Ehh, nice G5.”

(Click here for a slightly larger version.)

posted in:
easter eggs
  • Danielm80

    The sad part is: If “Bingo” had more than five letters, I could have added even more squares, like “When you say there aren’t enough films about women, it just proves that you’re sexist against men.”

  • Hank Graham

    I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, as the saying goes.

    And did someone really comment about the spelling of “biast”?

  • Damian Barajas

    The spelling of “Biast” has been brought up more than once to my knowledge.

  • Danielm80

    It’s brought up so often that MaryAnn devoted an entire post to it:


  • LaSargenta

    Hail, Daniel!!

  • Breninar

    Itʻs beautiful that you made that the center ʻfreeʻ space.

  • RogerBW

    British Bingo cards are 9×3 grids; I don’t see why you shouldn’t expand this. Great stuff!

    “You should just turn off your brain and enjoy it” might be a subspecies of G5, but I think it deserves its own square.

  • Danielm80

    We could probably make a whole card that’s nothing but variations on “It’s supposed to be mindless!” I left out “It’s not meant to be Shakespeare,” for example.

    I have no problem with mindless films. I enjoyed all of the dreadful Transformers movies. I just don’t understand why people think mindlessness is a defense, or need a critic to approve of the film.

  • RogerBW

    Fair point, and similarly O2 stands for all the “in the book, it’s like this” comments.
    If there were room, I’d insert something along the lines of “but it’s obviously meant to be a parody of the sexist attitudes in mainstream movies”.

  • LaSargenta

    What are the rank/file identifiers for a 9×3 card?

    Also, 9×3 only gives 2 more spaces…

  • RogerBW

    There are none. Typically five of the spaces in a row are filled in, and you can win by completing two rows or all fifteen filled spaces depending on the game. Wikipedia has more.

  • Rod Ribeiro

    I was thinking just that, it’s hilarious in a very sad way.

    (And hail Daniel!)

  • DyNama

    [long-time lurker] I especially like the “Did you really watch the movie?” type comments.

  • RogerBW

    I2 variant: “You’re just looking for reasons to be offended.”

  • Kaitlyn Kline

    B3… B3.

    You are not a film critic. I’m sorry. You’re just not. You are a perfect real-life representation of Tabitha Dickinson from Birdman. You just label everything, because you are lazy. I hate that I have to quote the film directly, but with you, it just happens to be completely and utterly true.

  • Derek

    This is awesome in so many ways.

  • Rebecca Dalmas

    Bravo, Daniel!

  • Jake Mason

    This is embarrassing. You’re trying to shut down any kind of response that doesn’t support your viewpoint, which itself proves how weak your viewpoint really is

  • Yes, it’s all legitimate intelligent discourse represented up there on the bingo card.


  • theothermrb

    The internet really needs to have a sarcasm highlighter. Anything tongue-in-cheek should be backlit in a peachy color. Because, honestly, as I read (okay, troll) these posts I can’t always tell. I got yours (*snort*), but some others I’m not sure. And I can’t take anyone with the initials KK seriously anymore…. Just sayin’. Ooh. And maybe a biast highlighter as well.
    All Hail Daniel.

  • Simon Swain

    Amen to that.

  • So sorry that someone forced you to come to my fake film criticism site. You shouldn’t let people push you around like that.

  • rosterri

    This is just soooo awesome.

  • Simon Swain

    Oh dear… I came here from Film Review Query Engine (I can no longer remember which film I was reading about at the time). If I was ‘forced’ to do anything, it was to agree with the above comment having explored your site which I thought at first looked good. Anyway, goodbye.

  • rwmcgee

    Now that you have the bingo card…you don’t really need the comments section anymore.

  • And yet here you are.

  • MikeCJ

    A critic that is unusally susceptible to criticism….interesting.

  • Criticism is very welcome here. The stuff on that bingo card? Not criticism, at least not of any variety useful for talking intelligently about movies.

  • Jonathan Roth

    I’m somewhat surprised people think that these are not only valid criticisms, but that there’s apparently no other possible criticisms people could make.

  • Danielm80

    I’m having trouble parsing the second half of that sentence. I agree very strongly with the first half.

  • RogerBW

    We use only the finest baby trolls dew-picked and flown from Rotten Tomatoes, cleansed in the finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and sealed in a succulent, Swiss, quintuple-smooth, treble-milk chocolate envelope, and lovingly frosted with glucose.

  • amanohyo

    *gingerly tastes troll and smacks lips* hmm… there’s a generous sprinkle of coarse sea salt on here too that gives it a distinctive delicately sour, schadenfreudalicious tang. What kind of bait do you guys use?

  • Manalto

    Apparently any old bait will do.

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