Month: December 2003

I’m of the opinion that there is no situation for which *The Princess Bride* cannot provide an appropriate quote. And the first thing that sprang to mind when I failed to be blown away by *Cold Mountain* was: ‘Nothing you can say will upset me.’

Will people freak at this film? Not that there’s anything wrong with that — people should freak at films, sometimes; it’s good to get your complacency shaken up a bit — but it’s easy to see how the self-righteous, sanctimonious, think-of-the-children cabal could get their panties in a twist over this new *Peter Pan.*

Horsies! Pretty horsies! Pretty, pretty horsies! Running in the desert, with the dunes and the sunset and exotic mystery! In huge, glorious IMAX! In post-WWII Arabia, young Neera (Biana Tamimi) befriends a wild black colt she names Shetan, and with the help of her pal Aden (Patrick Elyas), she hopes to use the colt, whom … more…

Starring Ben Affleck and Uma Thurman. And Ben Affleck and Uma Thurman’s stunt doubles, who get at least as much screen time as the ostensible stars. Shootouts, showers of breaking glass, car-motorcycle-helicopter chases, and games of chicken with subway trains: director John Woo isn’t gonna risk their pretty faces, so all the big action set … more…

Less satisfying than it should be, this elegant little film is a perfectly pleasing experience, though you won’t remember a thing about it after the credits roll. Using a pseudodocumentary form and a loose, authentic, almost improvised style, Robert Altman (Gosford Park) takes on the world of ballet: the toll the punishing physicality takes on … more…

The 1950 film of which this is just barely a remake depicted a family of 14 struggling to get by at the turn of the 20th century. At the turn of the 21st, one couple spawning a dozen kids by choice smacks of self-indulgence… the very sin this flimsy and obvious domestic comedy purports to … more…

Can I borrow a phrase — actually, a book title — from Ebert and say I hated, hated, hated this movie? Oh my god, she said, banging her head against the table in frustration and exasperation, is there anything that makes you want to scream more than a film that’s this full of its own gravity and import? All the long, quiet, contemplative shots of The House shrouded in Fog… all the long, quiet, contemplative shots of Jennifer Connelly, beautifully disintegrating… all the long, quiet, contemplative shots of Ben Kingsley, morose and determined… It’s been ages since I so longed to throw something at the screen.