Annapolis (review)

There’s something comfortably familiar in this tale of a tough blue-collar young man trying to make his way on the right side of the tracks, and that’s just fine: this is solid B-movie stuff right outta the time when “B movie” wasn’t an insult but more a mark of quality craftsmanship. That said, the underrated … more…

Big Momma’s House 2 (review)

This is the kind of movie that reduces film critics to tears of frustration. Its idiocy is boundless, its senselessness without end, its unendurability beyond description, but trying to find a place to begin explaining why this is a sure and certain sign of the decline of American civilization is impossible — that doom is … more…

Roving Mars (review)

Eat Our Dust The first human being to walk on Mars doesn’t know it yet, but she is gonna see this movie on a school trip to a science museum and have her little eight-year-old mind blown. And the idea of Mars is gonna lodge itself in her head so that the only way she … more…

Nanny McPhee (review)

Hellza Poppins With full and uncomfortable knowledge the kind of crap that passes for children’s entertainment these days, I figured I was in for an excruciating time of it when Nanny McPhee opened with Colin Firth — Mr. Darcy himself! — taking a pratfall down a flight of stairs. I became further afeared when the … more…

Tristan & Isolde (review)

The Lure of Lore So, we have a new retelling of a medieval legend from director Kevin Reynolds, who brought us the supremely goofy Kevin Costner-riffic Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (not the mention the dreadful The Count of Monte Cristo as well as Waterworld, which isn’t as bad as its reputation would lead you … more…

Breakfast on Pluto (review)

To say that this poignant, hilarious tale of a tender-tough gay Irishman is Neil Jordan’s (The Good Thief) most lighthearted film to date is, admittedly, akin to calling the Troubles the nicest internecine war the Irish have ever gotten themselves into. But there we are: the story of flamboyant Patrick, who’s been out since before … more…

Fateless (review)

How many times can we be confronted with the iconography of organized genocide before it stops feeling like a kick in the gut? I guess it’s at least one more than whatever number this desolate Hungarian film represents, because here again are the cattle cars, the dead-eyed people, the piles of abandoned luggage, the relentless … more…

Hoodwinked (review)

Not So Grimm There’s no question that there’s something whacked-out creepy about the computer-generated animation that drives Hoodwinked, the new hey-we’re-totally-not-Shrek–but-man-that-was-a-cool-flick-eh? feature-length cartoon. There’s a plastic sheen to the skin of the human characters and an almost obscene bulging to their enormous eyes that is, I imagine, exactly like what Precious Moments figurines would look … more…

Casanova (review)

Ah, Venice So how does a hot young heterosexual actor follow up an über convincing performance as a tormented gay cowboy? By playing the world’s greatest (straight) lover, of course. Happily, Heath Ledger’s latest move isn’t just career-smart but a whole lotta fun for the audience, too. He tops a glorious year stuffed with intriguing … more…

Brokeback Mountain (review)

Gay? Not Even Mildly Content Is there a real place called Brokeback Mountain? Or did Annie Proulx make it up? (Rhetorical — don’t deluge me with emails about the geography of the Western states.) I wonder, cuz the name so perfectly evokes misery and pain and loneliness and all those other tragically romantic heartbreaky emotions … more…