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rare female film critic | by maryann johanson

totally quotable! 2005 final

Here they are, the most quotable movie lines of the year 2005. No ranking — newer quotes are posted at the top. [Warning: May contain spoilers.]
“You know, friend, this is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation.”
–Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal), Brokeback Mountain

“Farewell, simpletons!”
–Paprizzio (Oliver Platt), Casanova

“I’m just an actor with a gun who’s lost his motivation.”
–Bruce Baxter (Kyle Chandler), King Kong

“I’m someone you can trust, Ann. I’m a movie producer.”
–Carl Denham (Jack Black), King Kong

“Stupid ceiling.”
–Mad Eye Moody (Brendan Gleeson), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

“Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy.”
–Dumbledore (Michael Gambon), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

“Do you dance, Mr. Darcy?” –Elizabeth Bennet (Keira Knightley)
“Not if I can help it.” –Mr. Darcy (Matthew MacFadyen)
Pride & Prejudice

“That’s Vietnam music! Can’t we get our own fucking music?”
–Anthony Swofford (Jake Gyllenhaal), on the Doors tune blasting from a U.S. helicopter flying over the American troops occupying the war-torn oil fields of Kuwait, Jarhead

“He hasn’t actually written a word of it yet, but he says it’s the nonfiction book of the decade.”
–William Shawn (Bob Balaban), Truman Capote’s New Yorker editor, speaking of the writer, Capote

“Funny thing, Freddy: Every time you light a cigarette for me, I know you’re lying.”
–Edward R. Murrow (David Strathairn), to Fred Friendly (George Clooney), Good Night, and Good Luck.

“I aim to misbehave.”
–Mal Reynolds (Nathan Fillion), Serenity

“Going on a year now, I ain’t had nothing twixt my nethers ain’t run on batteries.”
–Kaylee Frye (Jewel Staite), Serenity

“If you can’t do something smart, do something right.”
–Jayne Cobb (Adam Baldwin), Serenity

“I never sold to Osama Bin Laden. Not on any moral grounds. Back then he was always bouncing checks.”
–Yuri Orlov (Nicolas Cage), Lord of War

“When I was a boy my family came to America — but not all the way.”
–Yuri Orlov (Nicolas Cage), Lord of War

“It used to be a real hassle to put on underwear in the morning, and now it’s easy.”
–Justin Cobb (Lou Pucci), after beginning to take Ritalin, Thumbsucker

“Justin, it’s in my professional opinion you’ve become a monster.”
–Mr. Geary (Vince Vaughn), after Justin begins to take Ritalin, Thumbsucker

“I expect you to be pleasant to whoever comes to my door. Unless it’s some guy selling his angle on God. There’s no excuse for that bullshit.”
–Einar Gilkyson (Robert Redford), An Unfinished Life

“There’s nothing more useless than a simple son of a bitch who runs after a woman who doesn’t want him.”
–Einar Gilkyson (Robert Redford), An Unfinished Life

“I thought you spies knew everything.” –Tessa (Rachel Weisz)
“Only God knows everything — he works for Mossad.” –British diplomat
The Constant Gardener

“For a diplomat, you’re not a very good liar.” –Kenyan cop
“Well, I haven’t risen very high.” –Justin (Ralph Fiennes)
The Constant Gardener

“The kids who get bitten by a radioactive bug or fall into a vat of toxic waste, they usually get their powers the next day. Or they die.”
–Nurse Spex (Cloris Leachman), Sky High

“The cloud has fundamentally altered our DNA!” –Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffudd)
“Cool!” –Johnny Storm (Chris Evans)
Fantastic Four

“In a world where the dead are returning to life, the word ‘trouble’ loses much of its meaning.”
–Kaufman (Dennis Hopper), George A. Romero’s Land of the Dead

“Nice shootin’.” –Charlie (Robert Joy), as Riley picks off a zombie
“That’s good shootin’, Charlie. No such thing as nice shootin’.” –Riley (Simon Baker)
George A. Romero’s Land of the Dead

“I seek a means to fight injustice, to turn fear on those who prey on the fearful.”
–Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale), Batman Begins

“Bats are nocturnal.” –Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale), as Alfred dares to awaken him in the daytime
“Bats maybe, but even for billionaire playboys, three o’clock is pushing it.” –Alfred (Michael Caine)
Batman Begins

“We’re gonna be on summer vacation for the next 20 years.”
–Jay Adams (Emile Hirsch), Lords of Dogtown

“What profits? This is a surf shop!”
–Skip Engblom (Heath Ledger), Lords of Dogtown

“What continent is this?” –the penguins
“Manhattan.” –Marty (Chris Rock)

“I think it’s a squirrel.”
–Melman (David Schwimmer), about Julien the lemur king, Madagascar

“So this is how liberty dies: with thunderous applause.”
–Padmé Amidala (Natalie Portman), Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

“Only a Sith thinks in absolutes!”
–Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor), Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

“I don’t wanna hurt people anymore.”
–Danny (Jet Li), Unleashed

“I am not your fucking mommy!”
–Rachel (Naomi Watts), The Ring Two

“I need a Bloody Mary as soon as is humanly possible.”
–Terry Wolfmeyer (Joan Allen), The Upside of Anger

“I’m a walking encyclopedia of every boy band in existence — you don’t get that from dating Arianna Huffington.”
–Shep Goodman (Mike Binder), on the upshot of his dating younger women, The Upside of Anger

“Who are all these people trying to kill you?” –somebody or other
“I dunno, but I’m in the music business now — it could be any anybody.” –Chili Palmer (John Travolta)
Be Cool

“Is that chest hair real?”
–Chili Palmer (John Travolta), Be Cool

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