And I thought regular ol’ zodiacical horoscopes were weird…
Here are the ten signs of cinemastrology, and — according to my informer — what counsel members of each sign have received for the coming week:
• il rosa della bussola (sign of the compass rose): Put all projects away, just for a day or two, and revel in your ascendency. You control the power others seek — do not give it up lightly. There will always be the hungry and the greedy nipping at your heels.
• il chicco di caffè (sign of the coffee bean): When you see your chance coming this week, grab it! How often will you have the opportunity to make such a contribution… or, depending on your mood, throw such a spanner into the works?
• il coltello da formaggio (sign of the cheese knife): Beauty surrounds you because you ensure that it does. Heed not the cruel words of those jealous of your successful — but remember them next time their utterers are in your sights.
• il libro dimenticato (sign of the forgotten book): Fade in. Your moment arrives this week when the fantasies you weave coincide with the fantasies we all wish to indulge in. But beware letting your fantasies overtake reality.
• il gnocchi avanzi (sign of the leftover potato dumpling): Plot away, and if those plots take on a life of their own, how could that be bad? The position you lost could be yours again, but you must be willing to take risks. Nothing is too extreme.
• il pressa enologic (sign of the wine press): You cannot imagine it all, no matter how desperately you try. Hiring help could work wonders… or it could be seen by many as a sign of weakness. Always, always there must be secrets.
• il pugnale avvelenata (sign of the poisoned dagger): A keen mind and a sharp eye serve you well these days. Never underestimate your opponents as they have underestimated you. Make that phone call: those at the other end of the scheme are ready for your input.
• il ratto nero infetto con peste (sign of the plague-infected black rat): The drive to be better than the best is what fuels your ambition, but even that may not be enough these days. Forget all warnings and ignore all pleas: you dominate when you trust only yourself.
• il monarca lieto (sign of the joyful king): Never has the universe seen such glory as yours — enjoy it! But know that there is one who can bring it all crashing down. Keep all potential traitors close, and consider their “advice” carefully.
• il pittore pazzo (sign of the mad painter): You cannot fathom the end of the earth. You can fathom the end of yourself. Either one could be your doing… or undoing. Beans could haunt you this week.